Adult Development & Spiritual Formation
Azusa Pacific University
Dr. Dick Pritchard
January 21, 2003
"Capacity for Intimacy"

I.   The great question: is it better to be alone with God or with others in a community?
A.   Solitude with God is of extreme importance
B.   Relationships with others (and God) is equally as important
II.   Relationships/Community and their effects on life
A.   Case study: those who live longer are those who know they have people out heir that intimately love them
B.   Immune system is related to the positivity of a community
C.   God himself established relationships from the beginning by giving Adam a companion when he had everything he could already have (including a solid relationship with Himself)
III.   Secure attachment bonds
A.   Sometimes we need to first build a secure relationship bond with God and than it trickles to others
B.   Other times we need to first be able to build relationships with others before they can build an intimate bond with God
IV.   In the shelter of each other we become who we are: Attachment Bonds
A.   How we view ourselves and others
B.   Ways of being relationships
1.   How safe we feel in the world around us
2.   How we react when we are hurt
3.   How we ask for our needs to be met
4.   Our willingness t risk/be vulnerable
C.   Quality of our relationships predict the quality of our life
D.   Nature of attachment bond
1.   Secure Base
2.   Haven of Safety
3.   Attachment Behavior
V.   John Bowlby's Attachment Theory
A.   Secure Bases (Relationships) that are not safe haven you wither and die
B.   Relates to Christ when though about the withering and dying that happens when there is no bond with Christ
C.   Attachment system clicks in when there is no connection between our safe haven and our secure bases (relationships)
1.   Types
a.   Emotions
b.   Behaviors
2.   Relationships have a profound impact on our ability to thrive (Bowlby was kicked out of the psych community for saying this)
VI.   Four Kinds of Parents & Kids
A.   Supportive - knows they are loved, cared for, and told they have what he needs to make it
B.   Antisoothing - Parents that are there but don't know how to "sooth" a child so therefore he thinks he never has what it needs to get things done (God if you only created me different)
C.   Dismissive - Parents that force their children to be independent by downplaying their issues/problems
D.   Fearful Dismissive/Abusive - mild to strong emotional and physical abuse (kids would run to their parents backwards when they get hurt when they were young)