Christian Values in Human Sexuality
Azusa Pacific University
Dr. Steve Gerali
February 10, 2005
"Interpersonal Sexual Relationships"

I.   Homosexual Development
A.   Passing
1.   Those who feel like homosexual, but pass it off as like they are heterosexual
2.   With kids, they will usually date and go to prom – it is the denial of what they are struggling with
3.   This stage usually involves covert manners of exploration
4.   What stems from this is a "double life" – until the coming out time
B.   Coming Out
1.   The moment when a homosexual admits and informs of their homosexuality
2.   This can be done very publicly (tell the whole school, work, etc...) or it can be very private (a one-on-one conversation with parents, youth pastor, etc...)
C.   Healthy Third-party Response
1.   No ID
a.   Homosexuals (more than heterosexuals) define themselves by their homosexuality (i.e. My name is Andy, and I am a homosexual...)
b.   Responding to this means that you inform the person that their issues right now do not define who they are
2.   Immorality beyond sex – as the church we are in no way in shape or form sanctioned by God to define people by their sin
D.   "Defining" Homosexuality (The Umbrella)
1.   Extreme #1: Bi-Sexual
2.   Extreme-Middle: Trans-gender issues (not transvestite, that's a different issue)
3.   Middle Ground #1: Dealing with the homosexual desire, but never acting on it (emotional tie to homosexual desires)
4.   Middle Ground #2: Gender confusion
a.   Could be the result of a dramatic experience (i.e. receiving pleasure in an inappropriate manner)
b.   Usually develops from an emotional feeling (i.e. love for another one) and progresses to a non-sexual attraction, and that usually gets labeled "weird" which causes psychologically the person to question their homo/hetero-sexuality
5.   Extreme #2: Typical understanding of homosexual lifestyle (two branches)
a.   Promiscuity
b.   Monogamy
II.   Influences
A.   Dating
1.   Purposes
a.   Getting to know each other
b.   Types/Character of someone you like
c.   Marriage potential
d.   Fun/Sex
e.   Practice
f.   Learn Gender
g.   Status (pressure to do it in high school)
2.   Process
a.   11-15/16 – Identity Development
i.   Men are trained to deny (boys don't cry, etc...)
ii.   Denial has a huge impact on interpersonal sexuality
b.   15/16-24 – Intimacy
3.   Primary Reason for Dating is Partnership
B.   Gender Roles
C.   Traditions (i.e. engagement, valentines, etc...)
D.   Media Influence (fantasy & escalation)
E.   Marriage
F.   Sexual Deviance
G.   Sexual Contact/Positions
III.   The Process
A.   Progressive
1.   Relationships/Sexuality is an open-ended process (it has the capabilities/potential of getting better and better)
2.   If sexuality is understood as open-ended, we can see clearly that sex is learned (love is also learned)
B.   Epigenetic
1.   Stages are repeatable/learnable
2.   Example: Math (you have to learn how to add before algebra, but you still need to use addition in algebra)
IV.   What gets in the way of orgasm
A.   Fatigue
B.   Stress
C.   Interpersonal Relations
D.   Time of Day
E.   Alcohol/Food – prevents vassal congestion (erection)
V.   How far is to far? (the "stupidest question")
A.   It is not applicable – we don't get universal answers on how close to a car do you get when driving (its different at different speeds, driving skill, situation, etc...)
B.   The question should be am I personally being the man/woman God wants me to be
VI.   The "non-dating" dating books
A.   Avoidance of pain
1.   The problem is, is that pain is apart of life and is a "good" thing
2.   How can we know God as healer, if we never have anything to be healed from
B.   Avoidance of intimacy
1.   Intimacy spurs arousal and arousal is sin
2.   Sexuality and arousal should not necessarily be labeled as intimate
3.   Intimacy
a.   Defined by...
i.   Transparency – openness is expressed
ii.   Vulnerability – trust is involved, authority is given
iii.   Nurture – Iron sharpens irons concept
iv.   Non-sexual Physical Touch
b.   Stages
i.   Initial
a.   Involves some physical touch (handshake, etc...)
b.   Transparent – talk about what is liked and disliked
c.   Attraction (non-sexual)
1.   Assessing what you have in common and don't share in common
2.   We are attracted beyond physiology
ii.   Acquaintance – Determined by attraction and level of sacrifice (nurture)
iii.   Friend – we share interests centered around activity
iv.   "Best Friends" – we share values and passions
v.   Intimacy – freedom with contact (effectual)
c.   The romance line – it runs parallel to the stages already established, but selective on who gets to transfer over
VII.   Sexual Intimacy in Romantic Relationship/Marriage
A.   Non-coital Interpersonal Relations (Non-sexual intercourse acts)
B.   Process/Elements
1.   Considered foreplay (if proceeds coitus)
a.   Oral Sex
i.   Penile stimulation – fellatio
ii.   Clitoral/Vaginal stimulation – cunnilingus
iii.   Mutual Oral Sex – "69"
iv.   Anal Stimulation - rimming
b.   Masturbation (Mutual or non-mutual)
c.   Genital Apposition – "Petting" (i.e. Dry sex, "grinding," breast stimulation)
d.   Kissing
e.   Hugging
f.   Any personal touch
2.   "After-play" – especially in a marriage, what needs to take place when non-simultaneous climaxes occur
C.   Ideation
1.   Examples
a.   Frequency
i.   Misconception: we'll do it all the time, from sunset to sunrise
ii.   Actual: Needs to happen as much as the partners want or need it
b.   Quality of Experience
i.   Misconception: Good sexual pleasure distracts from God's will
ii.   Actual: God created the quality element, and should be enjoyed
c.   Morality/Likes & Dislikes
i.   Misconception:
d.   Exclusivity
e.   Fantasy/Role Play
f.   Dysfunction/Concern
D.   Erogenous Zones – Any area that when stimulated heightens sexual arousal
1.   Face/Neck
2.   Breasts (both genders)
3.   Genitals
4.   Anus