But before I get into that, you need to watch this Seinfeld clip.
I like where Jerry is going with this, but personally I would go up a few percentage points. I'd go as far as to say that 99.5% of women - and maybe 99.9% of people are undateable. Thus 5 in every 1,000 women I meet might be dateable.
Now I am not one of those Christians that thinks there is only one person out there for me, but I do feel the pool is pretty limited (for an example as to why read this and the comments).
Thus my frustration in dating. I'd probably be more inclined to believe Jerry if faith weren't as important of a factor. But it is, which rules out a lot of people I would for any other reason like to date.
But what does this have to do with Angela?
Angela is the only person I have ever met that isn't a compromise in any area. Does this mean she is perfect, of course not. But regarding the - say five - major traits that are important to me in dating, nothing is compromised. She is the Stolen girl I blogged about at the beginning of the year.
So needless to say, when I realized she was leaving Los Angeles and going to be in Lexington for Christmas, I diverted my normal route to Fort Wayne through Louisville, and pushed my departure back a day to have dinner.
Amidst our conversation at Chedder's (her pick) about poverty alleviation, and core theology related to ministry, and growing up with similar family situations, and preaching sermons, she includes, "I can tell you'd be really fun to have sex with." In interest of brevity I'll leave her reasoning out.
Now I don't think there is a man in this world that wouldn't want to hear that - for obvious reasons. But there is a less obvious, additional reason why I loved the above statement.
Let's just assume for one minute that a lot of women think this (big assumption). And let's just assume that out of those women, some of them have a deep faith (also probably a big assumption). What I love about Angela is that she didn't just think it; she said it.
It is no secret that I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth. This comes from basically saying what I think...all...the...time. And while there are many of my qualities I find annoying when other people have them (which probably means I am annoying), this isn't one of them.
I'd take someone who just says what they think, and on the rare occasion offend, than just thinking stuff and holding it in until it was "safe" to say any day. This whole blog (particularly this post) is evidence of that.
Thus a year later and the Stolen girl remains the Stolen girl thanks to a once-a-year meal in Lexington, KY.
Andy is looking for both of these in his future wife. However, Andy is willing to compromise on #2 if #1 is true.
Also, I have a surprise third post-secret for this post but it is in response to a comment that I feel is looming by Sarah (probably) or Erik (maybe) or Allen (long shot). But don't leave it up to them - as all three might fail. It will only come when expected comment is said.
Be sure to visit Post Secret for more interesting looks into the human condition.
Last weekend I visited my brother in Chicago to watch his play. It was fantastic and my brother was brilliant. But at 36,000 feet on the way home I did something I have never done in all the 202,011 miles I have spent in the sky: I asked the flight attendant out to dinner.
She was beautiful - not slutty beautiful like she was doinking all the pilots on layover - just classically beautiful.
Typically I would talk myself out of asking her to dinner for two reasons: 1.) I assume she probably gets hit on a lot and 2.) I typically fly United or American who don't have any flight crew hubbed in Atlanta. But this was Delta, so there was a good chance she lived in ATL, and about 2/3 the way through the flight I said to hell with the other reason.
So I got out of 10C and walked to the back of the plane and asked if she was based in Atlanta. She said she was for now, but in a couple of weeks was getting moved to the Honolulu-hub. I told her that I thought "that was unfortunate as I think she is a very beautiful woman and I just wanted to see if she wanted to go to dinner sometime." We talked for another 10 minutes, I gave her my card after she told me she was moving back in a year, and that was probably the last I will ever see of Kate.
I told this story to three people upon my return to Atlanta and all three said something along the lines of that was ballsy. But what woman, even if she thinks you are hideous, doesn't want to be told they are beautiful? The worst thing that happens is you feel a bit embarrassed, and she goes home with her day made. What's the loss?
The opening line of the movie Hitch is: "No woman wakes up saying: 'God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today.'" Now that doesn't mean she wants to get swept up by me or you, but nevertheless she wants to be desired.
And men are really no different.
I know absolutely no one who doesn't want to find love. Don't read that so fast. I know absolutely NO-ONE who doesn't want to find love.
Think about that. We all differ on religion, politics, financial desires, sexual orientation, how many kids to have, and what movies we watch. We all differ on everything from the trivial to the profound. The one thing we all share is that we all want to love and be loved. I think that is beyond profound.
In a somewhat ironic twist, I came home later that night after the show and saw Taylor's Swift's new music video Love Story for the first time. In a risk of embarrassing myself like I always do, I love Taylor Swift's music. And at the risk of sounding gay, Love Story is both incredibly well-written, and a phenomenal video. It captures the Shakespearean desire every single one of us share even in the trivialist of all moments like walking from class or riding on a plane 7 miles above the earth.
This flight didn't end in a Love Story for me or Kate - but I saw a beautiful woman and took a risk and tomorrow hopefully I'll get the chance to do it again.
The night before, my friends and I were talking at a local bar about what I was thinking of doing. To which they were making fun of said plans.
So to defend my berating I responded: "I have had more relationships1 than both of you combined2."
To which Henry replied: "yeah, but I have had a longer relationship than all of your relationships combined."3
To which I replied: "I am not arguing with that. I don't have a problem entering relationships, I have a problem staying in relationships."
To which our (hot) waitress jumped in and said: "ahh, now that is the real problem."
But this draws me back to a conversation I had with another friend about 10 months earlier. Jenny is a successful, attractive, fun girl who takes her faith seriously but also has a bit of a wild streak to her. Needless to say, someone I think should be a catch. But she was lamenting in one of our annual coffee meetings about how she - nor her friends - get asked out very much. To which I responded, "that is because most Christian boys don't have any balls."
Which brings me back to the evening of asking her on the date. As I walked downstairs, I told Matt she said no. Matt looked at me and said, "you just flat out asked her out." I said sure. He said, "that takes balls man."
Now I know LC is out there somewhere rolling his eyes and wondering why I am blogging about this, but I am going on.
I have never let the fear of rejection stop me. It isn't to say that I like it. And it isn't to say that I don't get nervous asking people out. I don't know too many guys who actually like the nerves it takes to put yourself out there. But the nerves shouldn't disable somebody from going for it.
Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But at least there is no wondering. At least there is no beating around the bush.
But to wrap up. I would say three quarters of my relationships - and probably another half-dozen dates that didn't develop into a relationship - started by asking out of the blue and putting myself out there. And a little rejection won't change that.
(To end with a little humor: Once again, I know how JD feels - although my pitch wasn't nearly as pathetic as his, but at the same time it also wasn't as funny)
It's a surprisingly cold March evening in a city much further north than Atlanta. Two teenagers find themselves in a cheap, Pontiac Grand Am - that is at least a decade old - after a high school sporting event. She had been there to cheer the team on to victory; he was suppose to take her home afterward. But neither of them really wanted to go home and - since there was no school the next day - they went for a drive. The two had been dating for sometime, and as teenagers often to do, they thought they were in love.
It was one of those drives that as they get older they will have less and less. Drives that really have no purpose - just an excuse for spending more time together until curfew. A drive that always ends too soon, but a drive that lasts forever in the memories reserved for the "good times."
On this particular drive, one thing lead to another on the starless night, and the two made love. It was the kind of love that those older and more experienced wouldn't call great, but it was all that they knew, and it was great for them. And just because the greatness might have been lacking, the mechanics worked the same, and against all odds, one of the million sperm released found its way to its destiny. It was a sperm that would change everything. And the only witness to this unexpected world changing moment was a moose...
Admit it, until you got to the moose part, you thought I was writing about my own experience? But there are no moose in Indiana and this isn't my story. It is the story of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston - with some creative liberties I am sure.
Bristol Palin is the 17-year old daughter of Sarah Palin - John McCain's running mate. And in a move that caused everyone to rollover in their grave, Bristol Palin is 5-months pregnant, and John McCain knew this and still selected Sarah Palin as his running mate.
My first thought is if you would have told those teens whenever/wherever they were doing it that this event would have national implications, I bet they would think you are crazy. But then I realized what I really should be thinking about is how glad I am the mistakes I made in high school (and beyond) weren't under the national spotlight.
But here is where I am going to make everybody, no matter where you stand on this story, angry. This story both highlights the hypocrisy of Republicans/Christians, as well as the illogic of the Democrats/Secularists.
I am not for politicians, pastors, and leaders stepping down in their roles when they make stupid personal morality decisions. I have been saying so for years. Whether we want to admit it or not, the mindset behind those who think leaders need to be perfect come from those who subconsciously think they are perfect...and that there families are perfect.
But Republicans & Christians a like (not saying they are the same) need to recognize that most of us are hypocrites, but that is ok. That's the point of grace. Life is messy. Families are messier. And we all do stupid things from time to time. The idea that "Sarah Palin can't run her household" or that "Bill Clinton shouldn't have been leading a country" is absolutely ridiculous. Some of the greatest leaders of all time have had huge moral failures in their life, but with out them, this world would be drastically different.
Two Examples (I could list more): The Apostle Peter & Martin Luther King, Jr.
Liberals on the other hand need to stop using this as an example of a woman's and/or family's "right-to-choice." Just because a family chose to keep the baby, does not change the moral question of when life begins, and therefore, the value of not taking that life, one bit.
Those who read this know that I am open to the discussion on when life begins. But the idea that Bristol's situation indicates that we shouldn't defend life is absurd at best, and deplorable at worst.
I will say one more thing that will infuriate everyone even more. Levi & Bristol should not be getting married. A shotgun wedding is taking a bad situation and making it a permanent, worse situation. If the kids are in love and would have gotten married anyways, then fine. But a baby is never a reason to marry. It doesn't make the conception anymore "holy," and it shouldn't make everyone else feel better with the situation.
My sympathies go out to Bristol and Levi. To use a hockey term: who knew two teens slipping one past the goalie would have such large implications on the election of the most powerful man in the world.
On a side note, I have been asked by a few to comment on my feelings about Sarah Palin as VP. I will do so in a blog that will be release on Monday. Enjoy the weekend.
So Allen comes to me this past week and says, "I think I want to do a show on online dating. Did you know there are over 1,300 online dating sites? What are you thoughts about online dating?" Before he even uttered all that, I knew this was going to be a topic where I was thrown under the bus. Sure enough, the topic title: "Is It Time For Andy to Use Online Dating."
If you have the time, listen to the whole show (30 minutes long). We had a good time. We had Les Parrott on there. Les is the founder of eHarmony marriage, and a very good friend of Dr. Neil Warren (the guy in the eHarmony commercials). Plus I got to play P!nk's U + Ur Hand and Avril Lavinge's Girlfriend as rejoins - and we all know I am weird and for some reason like chick rock.
But for those who don't have 30-minutes. Here are two clips.
Allen's Monologue
Andy's Questioning & Response
The best part was when Mike South, a porn producer here in Atlanta and friend of our show, e-mailed this:
I gotta tell ya, I had the pleasure of a lunch with Andy a while back and I think, that if a young lady is looking for a Good Christian man who isn't judgmental, who is smart and modestly decent looking. She couldn't go wrong with Andy...I know lots of girls would date Andy but It might not be a "good fit"
Is he saying I have a small penis? Seriously. I am calling you out Mike South. Although, you did say that I am modestly decent looking, so I'll call it even ;)
Here are my problems with dating in general:
The older I get, the more "set" in my ways I become and the less I am willing to compromise.
I am a very weird mix because on one hand faith is super important to me, but on the other hand, I do not fit the "stereotypical" Christian boy (hence the lunch with Mike South and countless other examples).
I work super hard, find a lot of satisfaction in that, and am a borderline workaholic.
Here are my problems with traditional dating:
I don't know who is single and who isn't (and I am a horrible judge of age).
I hate church small groups. It's like the bar scene, except instead of awkward drunk conversations, you just have awkward theological conversations and/or are asked to watch VeggieTales.
Here is my problem with online dating:
I don't want to have to tell the story for the next 50 years of my life that me and my wife met through a website some old dude created with his Ph.D. buddies.
So what's a boy to do? Seriously. I know I get about 300 visitors per post, so I want to hear from all you. Have you used online dating? Was it a good or bad experience? Would you ever use it or do you think it is an awful cop out?
I should have known it was going to be like this. Friday, May 9: CJ and Andrea were scheduled to fly into Atlanta. The past week I had worked 67 hours to make sure everything was ready. Then on Friday, in the classic state of a "modern man," I cleaned the house, baked a cake, worked 8 hours, marinated chicken, paid bills, went grocery shopping, did laundry, and constructed a table. Why a table you asked? Because as I was moping my kitchen floor, I leaned on my old table and it split in half. So a run to Ikea and back at rush hour, and 30 minutes of drilling, bam a new table. That day was crazy. But little did I know it was just the beginning.
Here are some stats from the past 3 weeks:
Miles Driven: 1,743
Miles Flown: 1,543
Money Spent Since May 9th: $1,954.64
Money Spent Since May 16th (Asher's Arrival): $1,471.16
Total Number of Different Beds Slept In: 7
Total Number of Hospitals Visited: 3
Total Time Spent in Hopsitals: 37 Hours
So what did I learn from all of this? Three things.
1.) Police in Charleston don't monitor parking meters, but they do make up stop signs for you to run through
It is true. I stopped paying the parking meters in Charleston, but this was only after I noticed that nobody else did either. Ironically, I was pulled over on by a bicycle cop (that's a first) for running a stop sign that wasn't there.
2.) Hospitals are disappointingly not like Scrubs
We all know I am a huge Scrubs fan. The whole time I was looking for a Crazy Janitor, or a Dr. Cox, or the Chief of Medicine. But nothing! There wasn't even a hot Dr. Reid anywhere. Although there were some hot nurses. This brings me to lesson #3.
3.) Married people are the absolute worst wingmen
Ok, so there was this hot girl who worked at the Ronald McDonald House where CJ and Andrea stayed. And so sure enough, Andrea goes to check out, and the girl asks about me. So she proceeds to tell her that I am a radio producer (good), my job is really flexible (good), and I am staying at the Motel 6. What the heck Andrea? Seriously!
No, he's such a good guy he rearranged his schedule to be here for three weeks. No, he's so great with our daughter Jadyn if he were just married we would consider making him the God-parent. No, he dropped $1,400 with out blinking an eye just to help us No, he's travelled the world and been to tons of exotic locations. No, None of that? Just, he's staying at the Motel 6?
Heck, I would have even taken the Motel 6 reference if you would have prefaced it with 1.) he's slept on so many floors in third world countries doing humanitarian and missionary work, the Motel 6 is like the Ritz or 2.) he stays at the Motel 6 now because he is good with money and he doesn't care and it means his wife and children won't have to stay at the Motel 6 when they travel, or 3.) all the hotels were full and/or ridiculously expensive due to the Memorial Day weekend festivities.
Married people everywhere, take a lesson from this Scrubs clip.
Ok, maybe not the drunken weekend part, but you get the idea. That is what we call a good Wingman.
But all and all, it was a great extended trip. We had a great time and was worth every second and penny. Here's a look back, through pictures.
I checked the mail today and got a save the date from Kim in Minneapolis. Kim always draws my mind towards two things: 1.) the fact I wanted to date her my first two years of college, and 2.) the song Champagne High by Sister Hazel - which incidentally is about a guy at a wedding who realized how he missed his chance. So you think you know why this song reminds me of her don't you? You'd be wrong...
You think the song reminds me of her because I somehow think I missed my chance with her? Sorry. Nope. I never asked her on a date because she was in a relationship when I knew her and then she moved. That was pretty much the end of it and I don't feel like I missed anything.
Ok if that isn't it, you think she introduced me to the song? Wrong again. That would be Sara.
But the song does draw my mind to two girls I do feel like I missed my opportunity. I know when I get the save the dates to their weddings I will feel like I am on a "Champagne High."
But the day's irony doesn't end there. I have recently been trying to digitize all the Scrubs episodes for my iPod. Sure enough, the next episode after visiting the mailbox was "My Cold Shower." This is one of my top 5 favorite Scrubs episodes. But it is particularly fitting for the Champagne High moment. Scrubs decided to use Stolen instead of Champagne High in the last scene - probably my favorite scene in all of Scrubs - but I don't blame them, it fits.
That scene is so powerful. That feeling is so raw. Maybe I am the only one. But I understand the emotion in this scene. It's like in Top Gun when Meg Ryan tells Kelly McGillis that there are "hearts broken all over he world tonight...because unless you are a fool that boy is off the market."
Most of you know how devoted I am to work and what I do is pretty much my life. So this next statement should not be taken lightly. If you could tell me, 100% for sure either one of the relationships would work out, I would drop what I do and move there in a second - even if it meant working at McDonald's.
But I have no guarantee either would work out, so I don't do it. Maybe it is because I am not a romantic, and am a realist (*read* cynic). Maybe it's because I am a wuss. Maybe it's because I believe in fate. Maybe it is because I think as soon as I get what I want, I no longer want it. Whatever it is, I stay here in Alpharetta.
But this post isn't about them. It is about singleness. It's about missed opportunity. The realist in me moves on. The realist in me looks for "their qualities" in others. The realist in me knows there will be others, and there will be one that is even better. But then again...here's hoping to Atlanta's job growth and maybe some job will "steal" one of them to Atlanta. Here's hoping. I'll keep a bottle of champagne ready...
Ohh...are some of you not happy I didn't give any clues who these girls were? Ok here are the clues...but you have to be a real Sherlock.
1.) They live somewhere in the "middle" section of this map (not the lightest part, and not the darkest part...the middle part). I'll give you a sub-hint, she isn't in the middle of the Atlantic.
2.) Neither is an ex-girlfriend.
3.) The Scrubs episode after "My Cold Shower" has a song at the very end of the episode that reminds me of one of them.
Good luck! According to census data, that narrows it down to about 12 million women!
Ohh...and if you are still wondering why Champagne High reminds me of Kim. It reminds me of her because we would listen to Sister Hazel on the drive to church Sophomore year - and that was my favorite Sister Hazel song (until Tear by Tear).
I logged into Facebook the other day and came across an interesting news feed. Apparently, even though my Aunt & Uncle had a wedding more than 20 years ago, it wasn't official until December 26, 2007; at least according to Facebook. I hope their first year of marriage is a good one. Finally their bastard children (Julia you better be laughing) have been vindicated. I think I found this all the more ironic because of what happened to me four days earlier...
My (ex-)girlfriend and I broke up three days or so before Christmas. This is now the 9th time in life I have gone through the infamous "breakup conversation" - it's never fun. But two things happened in this breakup that never happened in any other: she changed her Facebook status in the middle of the (2.5 hour!) conversation1. The most fascinating thing happened because of this: before she even left my house, I had 13 text messages, phone calls, e-mails, or Facebook messages.
All this got me thinking about communication and how it is changing. Out of the 13 communiques, the best by far was where person A saw on Facebook I was "no longer in a relationship." He proceeded to text message person B, who was driving with her sister to South Carolina. Person B then proceeded to text message person C. Person C then left me a voicemail. I was unable to pick up the call due to the fact that all this happened within 10 minutes of the Facebook "change," and as it turned out, I still had about an hour left to the conversation.
But this isn't about breakups, this is about communication, and how it is changing. I came across an article on Newsvine about how computers are writing financial news stories. Why? Because they can publish within .3 seconds of companies' initial post to NYSE & NASDAQ!! This is a huge advantage to hedge traders.
This also makes me reflect on a conversation I was having with a radio friend the other day about how churches and pastors miss the point in communication. Whether good or bad, Americans have about a 7-minute attention span before it "wants" a break2. This is largely due to the fact that most TV shows are 21 minutes long and have 9 minutes of advertising per half hour. Yet pastors wonder why when they get up to speak for 30 minutes (which is actually short for most pastors) people are bored and uninterested.
Communication fails to be communication if it doesn't communicate. I know profound! But seriously, think about that. It's a simple point, but often missed in the communication fields. Pastors fail to communicate by failing to change styles because their arrogance makes them think of course people want to listen to them talk for 45 minutes, they are brilliant. It doesn't take Steve Jobs to tell us that newspapers and book are dying off because people aren't reading. Radio is slowly dying as well.
None of these communication forms will ever die off completely. They will just continue to become less relevant unless they change. The challenge for the next wave of ministers and communicators is to look for ways to communicate in a way that is Facebook official.
1If you are curious about #2, I am sorry to disappoint but this this thread isn't about breaking up. That would be tacky.
2The exception to this would be movies. But frankly, the amount of effort and money it takes to produce movies offset the attention span. People should be able to pay attention if you spend $200 million on what you are doing.
This past Thursday (September 27, 2007) was Molly's 22nd birthday. We went to The Melting Pot in Birmingham, Alabama. I have never paid so much money to cook my own food. But it was a really, really fun time and the company was breathtakingly beautiful - and you can't beat that combination.
Amidst the conversation, she mentioned to me that she had never had a boyfriend on her birthday before. This didn't really come as a shock given that while I had never thought about this fact, I knew it to be true. But then it got me thinking, out of the 9 previous relationships I have been in, I have never been in a relationship on my girlfriend's birthday. I got close once (even had the gift bought and everything), but we broke up a couple of weeks before (and yes I still gave her the gift). I verbalized this to Molly, expressed that it was actually kind of fun to have a girlfriend on her birthday (doing the whole planning thing, buying the present*, etc..etc...) and then we moved on to something else.
But it was driving home from Birmingham that got me thinking about firsts. This last month and upcoming week have been some huge firsts for me in my life. It was the first time I ever went out to eat with a girlfriend's family, without the girlfriend being with us. It was the first time I left a "real-world" job - one that I had since graduation (I'll blog about it later). It is probably going to the be first time I ever make an offer on a house (sidenote: everybody pray that goes well).
I think it is firsts in life that make life scary & fulfilling all at the same time. Many times I find myself faced with the temptation to avoid firsts. Some firsts are challenging and stressful (*cough* buying a first home). Others are exhilarating and fresh. But all force us to grow. All force us to wake up in the morning and realize that life will not stay the same - no matter how much we enjoy its security. We can either take these firsts head on and make them our own, or we can let these firsts happen to us out of fear and nervousness. Either way the firsts come, the question is what do we do with them?
*For those of you out there that stopped reading after my comment about the gift, here ya go. I got her this rug from Vera Bradley. Now, most people react (including some of her friends) with a look of disgust that I bought her a rug for her birthday. Now hold on. We were driving back from the lake in the middle of August and she was thumbing through an InStyle Magazine and she commented on how she liked the rug. Then, when I was in Fort Wayne (home of Vera Bradley), I swung by the Vera Bradley store and picked it out. Worried that I had the wrong one, I actually drove to Wal-Mart in Huntington to purchase the InStyle Magazine (yeah that didn't make me look gay or anything). Then, realizing I couldn't find the rug (I had the wrong issue), I made a second trip to the Vera Bradley store and went with something that I knew wasn't the one she pointed out, but that matched her room. Thus, the story of her present is complete.
Andy's blog aims to be like a Scrubs episode, mixed with a Chuck Klosterman column, centered around the topic of faith. It is open, honest, raw, and a little embarrassing. It is a place to discuss religion, politics, ministry, pop culture, and well, just life - especially focused on the time of life we call our 20s!
Andy is the Executive Producer of The Allen Hunt Show; a progressive (in the literal sense), talk radio show based in Atlanta, GA aimed at bringing faith back into the public discussion. Andy enjoys travel, aviation, web design, politics, friends, and faith. He holds that the secret to a full life is loving God and loving people - which he fails at constantly.
Andy grew up in Fort Wayne, IN. He now lives in Alpharetta, GA.
Andy's Blog
But what does this have to do with Angela? 
Last weekend I visited my brother in Chicago to watch his play. It was fantastic and my brother was brilliant. But at 36,000 feet on the way home I did something I have never done in all the 
Last week I asked someone on a date. She said no.
So Allen comes to me this past week and says, "I think I want to do a show on online dating. Did you know there are over 1,300 online dating sites? What are you thoughts about online dating?" Before he even uttered all that, I knew this was going to be a topic where I was thrown under the bus. Sure enough, the topic title: "Is It Time For Andy to Use Online Dating."
I checked the mail today and got a save the date 
I logged into Facebook the other day and came across an interesting news feed. Apparently, even though my Aunt & Uncle had a wedding more than 20 years ago, it wasn't official until December 26, 2007; at least according to Facebook. I hope their first year of marriage is a good one. Finally their bastard children (Julia you better be laughing) have been vindicated. I think I found this all the more ironic because of what happened to me four days earlier...
This past Thursday (September 27, 2007) was 
