We did a show the other night on the 7 lessons of the Tiger Woods affair. But Allen missed one important one: IF you are going to cheat, use a call girl instead of a mistress.

How's that for controversial?

It should be stated for the record that I vehemently appose cheating - both personally and in principle. Some have questioned me on this from time to time because I seem liberal on some of my theology pertaining to sexuality. Despite this assumption being irritating to no end, it isn't the focus of the post. However, let's make something clear: Tiger was wrong.

But this post isn't about cheating. It is about confidants. While reading an article in the New York Post, I came across Ashley Dupree (remember: Elliot Spitzer's call girl) lashing out at the 6 7 mistresses of Tiger. Saying that:

"Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex -- all the while knowing he is married. And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids? And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut."

There you go folks: hookers jumped past grocery baggers for the number 4 spot of people I trust.

1. Attorneys (attorney-client privilege)
2. Doctors (doctor-patient confidentiality)
3. Priests (notice I didn't say Pastors)
4. Hookers
5. Grocery Baggers (bagger-shopper confidentiality)

In college I got into an argument in one of my Pastoral Leadership classes on what to do when someone confesses that they had abused a child. California law requires that you turn them in. I took the unpopular (and right) view that I would not turn them in, and suffer the consequences, because I viewed a pastor-parishioner confidentiality trust to be sacred and necessary for the betterment of the individual and culture as a whole. Why?

Living in a culture where attorneys are the only people we trust with our secrets does not produce healthy people that are empowered to change and better themselves. Many of the problems we face in relationships, marriages, and the like are due to the secrets we carry around.

The purpose behind the sacred trust of attorney-client privilege is that no one would tell their attorney anything if it weren't there. And just as this is necessary for a good defense, having a trusted confidant is necessary for personal and spiritual growth.

It probably seems a bit odd - given that I live so publically - but I take privacy and secrecy very important. People in my life have confessed to a myriad of past inequities - including cheating, abortions, serious drug use, and the like. Stories and circumstances that I will take to my grave. The relief you see in someone's face from the cathartic release of a burden being lifted by openly discussing past transgressions in an open, honest, and non-judgmental environment only speaks to the importance of such exchanges.

So in an odd turn of events, society could take a lesson from Ashley Dupree. When entrusted with private information, keep your mouth shut.

Recently I got into a fairly surprising discussion with someone on what we really wanted out of life. And I don't mean like wanting to be famous, or wealthy, or a Senator. But when all is said and done, what is it that we really wanted? Or in other words: what is it about being famous, or wealthy, or a Senator that we think will be beneficial to our life?

I even surprised myself a little with the simplicity of my answer (which I am not going to share). But I'll leave it at there are really only two things I want out of life. That's it. Two.

I have since had this conversation with a few other people to decide whether or not I am crazy. The verdict is mixed. But most agree that "knowing me" they don't believe my simplistic answer.

When I was in college, a relative of mine sent me a book to read titled Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers by Fil Anderson. There are two things I remember about this book.

1. How super offended and hurt I was that this person sent me the book. It sounds a bit overly sensitive (and looking back it probably was), but nevertheless it had some larger context to the feelings.
2. More importantly, the story of the fisherman and the businessman.

It's a bit long, but I read it 5 years ago and I still can't get it out of my head.

There was once an businessman who had finally taken some time off work to go on holiday with his family, whilst taking a walk on the beach one day he saw a fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught quite a number of big fish. The American was really impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a few hours.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and you could catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

The fisherman replied, “This is enough to feed my whole family,” he says

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?”

The fisherman replied, “Play with my kids, take afternoon naps with my wife in the hammock, go out in the village in the evening with my friends for a drink where we play the guitar and sing.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a specialist in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. And when you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own. Soon you will be able to set up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors. At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to the City, and then expand your operation to around the world, and finally you can set up your HQ to manage all your other branches.”

The fisherman asks, “So, how long would that take?”

The businessman reply, “About 15 to 20 years.

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house on an island, play with your kids, take afternoon naps with your wife in the hammock, go out in the village in the evening with your friends for a drink where you play the guitar and sing”

The point is that a lot of the time we think we are working hard towards a life that we want, only failing to realize what we really want might be right in front of us and attainable.

It's a question I ask myself almost everyday: what is it that I am working so hard for and how does that fit into what I want out of life?

What about you?

(And if you don't want to share your own, feel free to try and guess mine)

Working weekends for the past four years meant that I regrettably had to check the "will not be attending" box to the 30+ weddings I have been invited to. Even some that I planned on going to, got canceled fairly last minute because of work (which I got an earful about one in particular this weekend).

Though as my plane banked and began its descent over Memphis, I found myself staring out the window and thinking back to a conversation I had with Allen a year earlier about balance. And how because I implemented balance into my life this year, my descent "back home" felt more like coming back home than it did after my March weekender.

But in classic "Andy blog honesty," I also freely admit that while this trip pointed to one area of balance I was glad to be growing in, it also brings to light another area of balance I still am missing.

Weddings are of course incredibly joyous occasions for me, but also a bit of a reminder of my own discontent and loneliness. I freely admit that.

I don't think I am alone in this with other 20-somethings professionals that try to use the excuse that they are focusing on their career over their love life. But at 27, a full 6 years beyond when I thought I would have been at my own wedding, here's to my sincere and honest wish for Lissa and her husband to experience a full and happy marriage. And here's to me in continuing to try and figure out the balance needed to find a full and happy marriage of my own.

If you don't get the title of this blog, you need to watch the news more (and keep reading). This past weekend I continued my new years resolution and took the 8th weekender of the year and visited my friend Ashley in Louisville, KY. No offense to the other weekenders out there, but this was by far the most fun.

We ate out on the deck at a beautiful restaurant that overlooked the Ohio River on Thursday night. And even though I couldn't get a scallops entreé, and had to settle for salmon, the sunset was breathtaking and easily compensated for lack of scallops.

Friday was fantastic. Started the day by going to the Louisville Slugger museum. I found Ryne Sandberg's bat signature, saw how bats were made, even got my own bat with my own name burned into it. The end of the museum was a bit embarrassing, as they let you go into a batting cage and use a Major League Baseball players bat. Well out of 20 pitches at 40 MPH, I hit NONE! Zero! I sucked at baseball as a kid. I suck at baseball as an adult. But I still love it.

After the museum we went to the Woodford Reserve Distillery and saw how good ole Kentucky Bourbon is made in Versailles, KY (don't you dare pronounce it like the castle in France - because apparently like Georgia, people in Kentucky can't talk).

I had the first shot of my entire life. Downed mine - and half of Ashley's - like a champ. I think I would actually like bourbon if I drank (but then again, the fact that I probably would really like bourbon is why I don't drink).

After that we went to Porcini's. It had great food, and a great atmosphere. And if you haven't been watching the news, Porcini's is where Rick Pitino had sex with a woman who later blackmailed him for $3,000 for an abortion, and later tried to extort millions of dollars from him.

So while I did enjoy the Italian dish which I can't pronounce or spell, unfortunately I did not partake in the "Rick Pitino special" - but at least no one got pregnant.

But of course, doing stuff isn't what makes these trips fun. Spending time with people I get to spend way too little time with is easily more enticing to me than all the activities.

Now you may remember me blogging about Ashley back in December. In that post I said that, "Ashley has grown into an incredibly beautiful, successful, and talented engineer." But Ashley is also one of the most intelligent people I know.

And I am not talking academically intelligent (although she is that as well). I am talking life intelligent. Not just regurgitating fact intelligent, but original thought intelligent. Needless to say, conversation with her is always intriguing and insightful (and hilarious).

And that makes for a perfect weekender. Great food, great stuff to do, and phenomenal conversation that includes a lot of laughter and a lot of depth.

I wasn't going to take a Weekender this month. Key West in May wore me out. But that didn't last long as I was itching to get out of Atlanta two weekends ago. So I called up my friend Pat who lives in Nashville on relatively short notice and went and stayed with him and his family.

It was a relaxing trip. Thursday was spent at home, smoking some cigars on his back patio and having great conversation. Friday was a day at the pool, followed by a party at the Nashville City Club.

Back in Indiana, and about 12 years prior, Pat was my youth pastor (as seen here being awesome when driving us on a ski trip to Michigan).

He is easily one of the top 3 mentors I have had in my life and with out a doubt I would not be the man I am today with out him.

As I went from the "heathen child I was" in Middle School when I first met Pat in 8th grade, to a probably overly zealous Christian in High School, to someone who went and got a Biblical Studies degree in college, to being the "moderately-liberal Christian" I am today producing a talk radio show, a lot has changed.

But through it all, Pat has always been a true inspiration and example of what a man of God looks like. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say I know no one who actively tries to improve themselves to be a better man more than Pat. He is one of the greatest husband, father, and friend that I know - yet he is always striving to be a better person.

It was something in an email he sent after my trip that made me appreciate just how deep the relationships God puts in our lives can become over time.

I’ve reflected a lot on our conversation on the patio. I’m thankful that God connected us so many years ago. I had no idea that when I met you as an 8th grader that we would share such a friendship. I have absolutely loved our conversations over the years and I’ve learned more from you then you realize.

Now what we discussed I am not going to elaborate on - after all, what happens in Nashvegas stays in Nashvegas - but the sentiment in his email to me is one of the most fulfilling things I have found in the deep relationships I have had with men and women all around the country that went from mentors to friends.

I still respect Pat more than just about anyone. And even though I have become a bit more "liberal" compared to him and my youth group days - I will always cherish his insight into life.

Thanks for a great weekend my friend.


Next weekender: probably DC the "weekend of July 17-19th." Cubs are in town so I might try to catch a game with some friends from the area. Then Oregon in August for Lissa's wedding.

Tonight I met up with a professor of mine from college who was in town for a conference. Dick wasn't just a professor to me though, he was a mentor, and most importantly: a friend.

At one particular point in my life, when I was at a cross road on who I was to become, I looked around at all the people I respected and came to the conclusion that 20 years down the road my life would be the most fruitful and fulfilled if it looked like Dick Pritchard's. Needless to say I have an extreme respect for the man.

So amidst Shrimp Purloo, Peacan Pie, and a waiter that probably wished we hadn't taken a seat in a small, Midtown restaurant for 2.5 hours: tonight we discussed everything under the sun.

As the meal was wrapping up - but still an hour before we would leave - we began to discuss communication and relationships.

When I was in Dick's class, he assigned a book called "The Contemplative Pastor" by Eugene Peterson.

I didn't read it.

Dick knew I didn't read it (as with pretty much most of my assigned reading).

But I very much remember it's content and the discussion that came from it.

In the book, Peterson makes the point that we learn three languages in order:
intimacy, naming, and persuasion.

From our first moments in life we learn words of love - which in reality have little to do with actual words. We then proceed on to "naming" - it is here we get an understanding of possession. With possession understood, we finally complete our verbal development with "persuasion" - or the language needed to persuade in order to attain that which we want to posses.

It should be noted that this isn't just in romantic relationships. It translates to all relationships: parents, friends, co-workers, mentors, mentees, customer service agents, the homeless man on the street. Everyone.

The irony I pointed out is that I have essentially fallen into a profession that is hyper-focused on persuasion, opinions, belief systems, and world-views. And I think it is precisely because of this that for a while now I have felt a heightened struggle with most of human language in contemporary society being focused on persuasion. Something that if I would have read Peterson's book, I would have probably dealt with 4 years ago.

Unfortunately though, the causality of this sad state of affairs is intimacy.

I blogged about this before, but it bears repeating. I think one of the most powerful movie trailers I have ever seen was for the movie Crash. The line that hit me was, "...nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just so we can feel something."

When we remain stuck with persuasion in our relatinoships, intimacy gets thrown aside. But our desire to fulfill our lives with persuasion and attaining that which we have named, unfortunately only leaves us emptier for it.

I went down to Orlando yesterday to visit a movie set and production facility for a film that a friend of mine is in-part financing.

Let's be honest. I am always up for a ride on his plane no matter where we are going.

And let's be even more honest. It was all the more cool that we were visiting a movie set in the pre-production phase. Seeing a set assembled, viewing the editing rooms, checking out the cast, and talking with the writers - simply awesome.

The movie is about child dying of cancer - and even though it sounds like a bummer - I am confident there will not be a more hope filled movie in 2010.

But I have to admit I was thrown for a huge loop on our last stop of the day. And it turned out to be the best part of the trip.

At the end of the day we visited "Give Kids the World" - an operation designed to allow kids dying of terminal diseases (and their families) a place to come stay for the week while experiencing Disney World, Universal Studios, and the like. They attempt at giving these families as care free and as "normal" of a vacation as possible.

I have never seen an operation that has thought of every detail as thoroughly as what I witnessed there. Everything from ice cream parlors for breakfast, to castle designed houses, to pools capable of having kids in wheel chairs go "swimming on their own." And since a lot of the kids won't make it to Christmas, they have Christmas every Thursday - including fake snow...in Florida! It was an extraordinary operation.

But as I sat on the plane going home - with my shoes off and sitting backwards amidst the clouds and mild turbulence - my mind drifted to an ex-girlfriend's brother, who I will call Aaron.

Aaron was a couple of years older than me and a great guy. When I dated his sister he was into wrestling and baseball and was incredibly intelligent. But he suffered from a disease known as Ataxia and was limited to a wheel chair.

Often times I would go into his room and talk about baseball - which I too enjoyed - and wrestling - which I did my best to get into. Sometimes he'd join us downstairs for a movie. As I look back, I interacted with him more than any girlfriends' siblings, yet he is also the one I still feel like I didn't interact with enough.

I still think about Aaron surprisingly a lot - pretty much anytime wrestling appears while channel surfing and sometimes when I am at Braves games.

I doubt with out knowing Aaron I would have as much respect and empathy for Give Kids The World as I did. Their goal of over-emphasizing the normal, so that some kids who never experienced normal could have some true enjoyment with their family was moving and something I will never forget.

This past weekend was my 3rd weekender of the year. This time it was to Miami. I dubbed it my Law and Order Weekender because I visited a friend who works for the FBI and another friend who is graduating from University of Miami Law School.

Because the FBI friend is entertaining a job offer from... well... let's just say the Department of Defense and leave it at that; and the other friend is currently in a job hunt that includes a position at the 11th Circuit United States Courts of Appeals, there unfortunately will not be any photos or names of the people I spent time with.



The weekender was fantastic though.

• Found out I loved Cuban food (had it both nights).
• Had 7 hours to kill on Thursday so I just put Key West in the GPS and drove there and back - beautiful drive.
• Had a scheduling complication come up which in turn led me to take public transportation from FBI Miami to University of Miami - first time riding a bus in the States.
• And as always, had wonderful conversation with people in my life I get to spend too little time with.

But it was amidst the 7 hours I had alone in the car driving back and forth between Miami and Key West when I started to think about how much better of a mood I have been in the past couple of months compared to this past winter.

Baseball season is in full swing.

My to-do list at work isn't quite as over-whelming at it was.

But even more than that, I think there has been some real value in adding some balance in my life, getting out of Atlanta once a month for a weekend trip, and catching up with people in my life that I very much care for and get to spend too little time with.

I know it sounds cliché, but there's a connection shared across a table with a beer that Facebook and emails and phone calls just can't replace.


Ohh and one more thing. Even though Sunshine and Summertime by Faith Hill will go down as the official song of this past weekender, I decided to pull at an oldie but a goodie for this post. Enjoy "a Miami!"

If you listen to Allen's Real Life and Faith Moments you will know that Allen jumped on the Is Twitter Evil bandwagon this week.

Here's the basic gist of the USC findings: Twitter is bad becuase supposedly quick thoughts stunt brain development and we become less emotionally connected and empathetic to people in our lives.

USC needs to go back to doing what they do best (being overrated in college football) and leave serious medical study to the real professionals (those at Duke).

I have been on many mission trips, and a study abroad in a war torn area. One of the key things I have learned from these trips is that it is hard to inspire compassion and empathy with the average person unless they a.) experience the problems outside of the USA first hand, and b.) are reminded of problems often upon their return.

So what does this have to do with Twitter / Facebook updates? Simple.

There is no way before Twitter / Facebook people could stay connected the way they do now.

Take for example Lissa in the above graphic. My cheeseburger-hilariousness made her day. I have no idea if this is true or not. But I do know there is no way I could even have attempted to make her day if it weren't for Twitter / Facebook given that she lives on the other side of the US from me and I am not going to call her and tell her about my cheeseburger insight.

But this goes beyond my hilariousness.

Lissa is a phenomenal attorney no doubt about it, but the other day Lissa didn't have a particularly good day in court. We all have those days where we just aren't firing on all cylinders. And as my dad always said, your first year out of law school is more of a learning experience than your previous three in law school. If you aren't making mistakes, you aren't doing it right. But I digress...

So she posted on her Facebook status that she didn't have a good day and within a few hours she got encouragement from friends all over the country reaffirming that she was in fact a phenomenal attorney and to keep her head up.

My worst professional day since graduating college was November 16, 2005 - it was so horrendous I still think about the mistakes I made on that day. But I wish I had Twitter / Facebook then because I could have lamented and friends would have picked me up.

Most of the people in our lives are a huge source of encouragement when we need them, but they can't be empathetic if they don't know what is going on. And frankly, who is going to call every single of one of their friends and tell them about the awful day they had?

So I am taking on USC because they aren't just inadequate at college football; they are also inept at studying the brain. Now, how can I condense this post into 140 characters or less?


P.S. Join the immorality: follow me on Twitter

Well I am making good on at least two of my new years resolutions with weekender #2.

I went to San Diego (technically Murrieta) for only 46 hours this past weekend. My friends Sarah and Adam just had their first baby. Since I missed their wedding back in 2007 due to work, I wanted to get out to see their first child as soon as they would let me.

Bennett Michael Elwer was of course as cute as can be (yes I know that sounds cheesy). And while 46 hours wasn't enough, I at least got to do all that I wanted to do: take a nap with the little dude on my chest, and catch up with great friends (although going to Jamba Juice four times in two days, and In 'N Out burger was also a nice plus).

As I drove away from their beautiful home down a dirt road in my rented gray Mustang, I realized something: I wasn't heading home...

• I lived in Fort Wayne for 19 years and 26 days.
• I then lived in Los Angeles for 3 years, 8 months, and 8 day.
• I have since lived in Atlanta for 3 years, 10 months, and 23 days.

I blogged a few weeks ago about how it has been a hard couple of months for various reasons. I am giving the official (read: made-up) start date of this time period January 14, 2009 - the day that marked Atlanta surpassing Los Angeles as the second longest place I've live.

I went to lunch with a previous boss and good friend the other day. We were catching up like we usually do amongst a myriad of topics. And out of the conversation I made the statement that, "I have a good job. I have good family in the area. I have bought a house. I have done all the things I am suppose to do. But Atlanta still doesn't feel like home."

I told him how I was taking these weekenders to get me out of this town and that it is friends like Adam and Sarah, and CJ and Andrea that are keeping me sane.

I don't know if it is that I have a spoiled notion and expectation of relationships because of what I had in LA and Indiana, or if I just don't fit in the South, but something just doesn't feel right and I thought for sure it would by now.

Am I alone on this? I know there are a lot of 20-somethings who read this. What has your post-graduate living experience been like? Did you stay close to home or did you move away?

Whether leaving through the corn fields of Indiana with CJ and Andrea behind, or the dirt road of Murrieta with Sarah and Adam in my rearview mirror, it always feels like I am leaving home - not heading towards it.

Despite the downer of the post, the weekender itself was great. Adam and Sarah kept saying, "we're sorry we don't really have anything planned," which was absolutely perfect.