Well I have had some serious posts recently so I figured I would lighten it up a bit.
First of all, who saw Scrubs last night? Seriously! I am so glad it is back on the air. The first episode of the evening wasn't all that great, but the second was phenomenal. And mad props to my brother for catching the coincidence of the episode subject and my previous blog on death. Crazy. I think someone at Scrubs is reading my blogs and coming up with shows really quickly afterward. If you are out there...I know you are there!
If you missed this show, you can catch the full episode here. Great job capturing the universal fear of death. Hmm...it was good.
Second bit of light-heartedness. I am going to kill Paris Hilton. Now I know that isn't particularity light-hearted nor am I the first one who has said this. But I bet I am the only with my reason.
I was listening to WSB-sister-station 95.5 The Beat this morning on the 5-minute drive to the office and they were talking about some ground breaking piece of important news: Paris Hilton thinks she will be ready to have children in 2 years or so.
Ever since watching the Seinfeld episode where George wants to name his daughter Seven - I decided I was going to name my daughters Paris and Sydney - after my two favorite cities. Mind you this was circa 2000.
But then in 2003, Paris Hilton becomes famous because she doinked some genius from New Jersey that somehow let the tape get on the internet. Lesson to all you young ladies out there: if you are going to make a sex tape, make sure you keep it.
Thus my plan of naming my daughter Paris is completely thwarted. And even though I am sure Paris will die of syphilis before I have a daughter, I still won't be able to name my daughter Paris.
But now this! She is going to name her kid London. That is like one step away from Sydney. Who is to say she won't name her second daughter Sydney - thus one woman will have essentially ruined both the names I wanted for my kids.
I guess I am going to have to marry Nicky Hilton (she's the cuter one anyway) and then we'll pop out a kid before Paris can and thus I will get my revenge! Yeah...that's the plan...I'll work on that one for a bit.
If you knew your death was imminent - like within minutes - and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, what do you think you would do?
Would you freak out?
Would you pray? Especially for forgiveness?
Would you try and call loved ones? Which ones?
What if you couldn't contact anyone?
For some reason I think about this when I fly. Not with any morbid panic, "we're all going to die" mindset. But just in a subdued fact of reality that it could happen.
I know what I would do. I would grab the iPhone and pull up I Can Only Imagine. I am not usually a big fan of Christian music, but I Can Only Imagine is great simply because it has no answers, just one open-ended statement-question: I Can Only Imagine?
I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me
If I had an extra couple of minutes I would probably pull up one more: Brooke White's performance of Let It Be on American Idol. I often listen to this after I have had a really bad day. It is incredibly calming.
Let It Be - Brooke White (American Idol Version)
.
Other close contenders were Come What May the Moulin Rouge version and Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World.
I think I would also try and get off one quick text message - hoping that I would get cell coverage before impact. It would probably go to Allen - strange I know - but I don't know anyone who empathetically, but helpfully breaks bad news to people better than him.
It would read: Going down. All is well. Tell all I love them, not to be angry, and to keep living life to the fullest
It wouldn't be long, and I wouldn't send out more than one. I'd get that off, sit back, and let the moment of worship take me into eternity - whatever that may be.
I don't really know why I blogged about this today. Maybe it was last night's show. It just came to my mind for some reason and I figured I would share. That's what I would hope for in my final moments, what do you think you would do?
We've had some pretty heavy posts so I am going to lighten it up.
One thing that annoys the crap out of me when pulling clips from Comedy Central for the show is the they play an ad spot before every single video.
The most annoying? Blackberry. We ge-e-e-et it. You have a phone that is almost as cool as an iPhone. They currently have three different versions that rotate in the cue.
But one of them I think has my identical voice twin - you know like in the Friends episode where Joey finds his identical hand twin. You've probably seen it on TV a half a billion times but go ahead and take another watch:
Now listen to a version I recorded of myself (with no alterations):
Andy Borgmann Doing Blackberry VO
The Real Dude Doing Blackberry VO
See. Ok, so I know I don't hit "Life" quite right - but I think that has more to do with my poor VO ability than the voice itself.
Somewhere out there (probably New York or LA) there is a guy out there with my identical voice. Ohh how I hope one day we can meet and have conversation where we aren't really sure which one is talking.
I get a trade publication called Advertising Age sent to me on a weekly basis. I don't know why it started arriving, but I love it. It is a fantastic wealth of information.
Last week, I opened it and it answered a question I had been wondering for years: what do advertisers pay per :30 spot on a regular basis. Sure we always hear about the million dollar spots during the SuperBowl and what the last episode of Seinfeld pulled. But on average, what is a company paying for me to watch an episode of Chuck or Big Bang Theory or Bones or Dirty Sexy Money?
The answer: the average for a :30 spot in primetime TV is $124,920. But that is only half the picture. What about viewership? If you take spot rates and divide by average viewership, the advertisers spends $0.0171 per person to watch their ad spot.
But being the self-centered person that I am, I want to know about me?
Well, first of all, I learned that advertisers are willing to pay more for my attention than average - since the shows I watch averaged $186,316 (or $0.02431 per time I watch). But at a more humbling point, very few of the shows I watch are anywhere near the top 10. So I am expensive and unpopular. Done.
But what I think is even more interesting is what this says about what advertisers think our lives our worth.
Think about it. Say there are an average of 7 minutes of advertising per 30 minutes of shows. This makes 14 total :30 second units per half hour of TV. The average American lives to be 78.16 years old. If you do the math, that basically means that according to advertisers, the average American's life is valued at $327,829.
Now, my life is worth $465,980 - which makes me better than you - but still pretty humbling huh ;)
Well lucky for us, God and our love ones think we are entirely more valuable than the average advertiser.
Primetime Network TV Ad Spots Rates & Viewership for Fall of 2008 Click here for the Excel Spreadsheet Blue shaded rows are TV shows I watch
I think Capital One just made me the President of the United States. Take that John McCain - it's my week now sucker! I would like to thank my beautiful wife I don't have for her amazing support. My wonderful children I don't have for their letting me ignore them during the campaign. Of course I have to thank the big man, the only one James Dobson listens to, Karl Rove for all the great advice. God bless each of you, and God bless America.
Ok, that might be a bit far, but I seriously think George Washington is pissed.
Think about it. He took on the British. Forged the Patomic in freezing temperatures. Lead a new country in her infancy that in only 200 years grew to the superpower of the world. What is his reward for all this? He gets his face on every $1 bill.
It isn't just Washington though. Through out ages past, the only people that had their face on money were the rulers of the world. Queen Elizabeth. Caesar. Lincoln. And rightfully so.
But then some geniuses (*read self-indulged pricks*) in some (probably) New York marketing firm decided to take George and friend's glory from them when they realized Americans are self-centered and would love the ability to put their face on their money.
So sure enough, I saw an add during the Capital One Game with Michigan & Florida and knew I just had to go for it. After all, I am sure I am exactly the self-centered American those genius pricks were thinking of.
But I have to say I love it. Being the creative, pop-culture (*read loser*) person that I am, it is exactly how I want to pay for my Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich. I don't even sign the back. If anybody questions if it is my card, I am like...uhh look at the front dude!
But what does this say about our culture? Is this just that we are creative people and want to express that when we spend money? Or is it deeper? Does this have larger implications? Does this mean we think we are more important than our leaders? Or maybe that our money (*read economy*), is more important than true leadership.
We want CEOs that make the most money, not lead the best companies. We want Presidents that help our economy the most, not lead our country to greatness. One might argue they are one in the same thing, but when push comes to shove, which do you want? I think Capital One's marketing shows, to quote Jerry McGuire, "show me the money."
While Washington might be pissed I stole his glory, I think he would be saddened to see how his country evolved in her greed.
But I guess the only solace George Washington can take is that even though I am on MY money, I am not on YOUR money. So he still wins. But if you want to kick Washington in the balls, just go ahead and put my face on your new Capital One credit card.
On Friday night we had a "Tiffany turns 27" / "Andy bought a house in November" party. At one point there were about 35 people there. This surprised me because a.) I didn't think 35 people could fit it my tiny townhome, and b.) it took until 10:30 before somebody showed up that I didn't know.
It got me thinking though. It got me thinking about the movie trailer I saw in 2004 for Crash. I loved that movie. It was a movie about LA and racism. It was unique and brilliant. But it is a line from the trailer, which had relatively little to do with race, that had me hooked. The line was, "In LA, nobody touches you...I think we miss that touch so much that we crash into each other just that we can feel something." I lived in LA. I know this to be true. But it isn't just LA - it's everywhere.
In September I downloaded a song called Car Crash by Matt Nathanson out of the iTunes free single of the week section. I don't normally do this because the music usually sucks, but this one sparked my interest for some reason. It's lyrics are thoughtful. The chorus in particular:
I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright
I think it is fitting given the recent Duke University study that says we have fewer friends and confidants than Americans did 20-30 years ago. We are wealthier than we have ever been. We are more in control of our lives than we have ever been. We know more than we have ever known. We are more connected then we have ever been. Yet we are lonely. We miss that touch. Why? Why are we lonely?
I am a huge Scrubs fan. I have 134 of the 145 episodes on my DVR. I am not going to go into why I love the show so much. I am just going to show you one scene (it's worth the 2 minutes):
When I first saw this in January, I sent the link to my friend CJ and told him:
I wish you watched Scrubs so you would get this and not think it is weird/gay/ridiculous, but since [my girlfriend at the time] calls you my gay lover and [your wife] calls our friendship "special," I dedicate this video to you
Let's be honest. I would be JD because I am nerdy, quirky, and can't seem to stabilize a relationship. And CJ would be Turk because he's as cool and smooth as a black guy, and married with a kid.
My & CJ's friendship reminds me of David and Jonathan's in the Bible. I would probably be David because I am the one most likely to do something immoral sexually and then murder someone to cover it up. But the Bible says that at the news of Jonathan's death David said, "Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women."
Jonathan died before David had an affair with Bathsheba and then murdered Uriah to cover it up, only to be outed by Nathan. But I have a feeling that if Jonathan was alive, it wouldn't have changed anything. CJ knows I am not perfect. And not just in a generic, "we all sinners" kind of way. He knows I am not perfect. And inversely, I know he isn't perfect. But it doesn't change anything. If anything, it is why I love him more.
David and Jonathan weren't living in a "Crash" world. And as wealthy, and knowledgeable, and connected, and in-control my life gets, it is the guy love and connectedness I find with CJ (and others) that makes this life satisfying and full.
I logged into Facebook the other day and came across an interesting news feed. Apparently, even though my Aunt & Uncle had a wedding more than 20 years ago, it wasn't official until December 26, 2007; at least according to Facebook. I hope their first year of marriage is a good one. Finally their bastard children (Julia you better be laughing) have been vindicated. I think I found this all the more ironic because of what happened to me four days earlier...
My (ex-)girlfriend and I broke up three days or so before Christmas. This is now the 9th time in life I have gone through the infamous "breakup conversation" - it's never fun. But two things happened in this breakup that never happened in any other: she changed her Facebook status in the middle of the (2.5 hour!) conversation1. The most fascinating thing happened because of this: before she even left my house, I had 13 text messages, phone calls, e-mails, or Facebook messages.
All this got me thinking about communication and how it is changing. Out of the 13 communiques, the best by far was where person A saw on Facebook I was "no longer in a relationship." He proceeded to text message person B, who was driving with her sister to South Carolina. Person B then proceeded to text message person C. Person C then left me a voicemail. I was unable to pick up the call due to the fact that all this happened within 10 minutes of the Facebook "change," and as it turned out, I still had about an hour left to the conversation.
But this isn't about breakups, this is about communication, and how it is changing. I came across an article on Newsvine about how computers are writing financial news stories. Why? Because they can publish within .3 seconds of companies' initial post to NYSE & NASDAQ!! This is a huge advantage to hedge traders.
This also makes me reflect on a conversation I was having with a radio friend the other day about how churches and pastors miss the point in communication. Whether good or bad, Americans have about a 7-minute attention span before it "wants" a break2. This is largely due to the fact that most TV shows are 21 minutes long and have 9 minutes of advertising per half hour. Yet pastors wonder why when they get up to speak for 30 minutes (which is actually short for most pastors) people are bored and uninterested.
Communication fails to be communication if it doesn't communicate. I know profound! But seriously, think about that. It's a simple point, but often missed in the communication fields. Pastors fail to communicate by failing to change styles because their arrogance makes them think of course people want to listen to them talk for 45 minutes, they are brilliant. It doesn't take Steve Jobs to tell us that newspapers and book are dying off because people aren't reading. Radio is slowly dying as well.
None of these communication forms will ever die off completely. They will just continue to become less relevant unless they change. The challenge for the next wave of ministers and communicators is to look for ways to communicate in a way that is Facebook official.
1If you are curious about #2, I am sorry to disappoint but this this thread isn't about breaking up. That would be tacky.
2The exception to this would be movies. But frankly, the amount of effort and money it takes to produce movies offset the attention span. People should be able to pay attention if you spend $200 million on what you are doing.
When I was a junior in high school, the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" came out and was all the rage. I read it, objectively, and grabbed some good principals, but overall "rejected" the basic premise. Sometime later that year, a rebuttal, but less popular book came out called "I Gave Dating a Chance." I liked it better, but still rejected most of the premise, because frankly it was mostly the same as "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." One called dating courtship, and the other called it, well, dating. I'll get back to this later.
If you have read this blog for more than 10 minutes you know I am usually not satisfied with Christian music or books. Why? Because they aren't about life. They aren't real. They give the same cheesy, bullet pointed responses which don't communicate effectively. When done, I always feel like I just drove a Porsche but kept it in 1st gear.
From what I heard from others, Rob Bell's writing promised to be different. So needless to say I was excited to read his new book "Sex God," because we all know the official topic of this blog is sex1. We also know that my favorite writer is Chuck Klosterman - sure I might not agree with some of his lifestyle choices, but he is brilliant when it comes to culture. I was expecting Rob Bell to be the "Christian" version of Chuck Klosterman. He's not. If Chuck Klosterman is a Porsche reaching 4th gear2, Rob Bell is a Porsche in 2nd gear3
I could probably write a 5,000 word blog on this book. I am going to try not to. Here are my three main issues with the book.
One, he quotes from Song of Solomon (which is good) but fails to acknowledge that a.) Solomon had hundreds of sexual partners, and b.) the Song of Solomon text implies that the "beloved and lover" were not married yet.
Now, I am not looking for a book to justify pre-marital / extra-marital sexual activity. Why? Because I still think a case can be made for sexual "purity". But Bell fails to communicate his point because he refuses to acknowledge, in full disclosure, the entire sexual narrative of the Bible.
Two, he continues the Christian myth that women aren't interested in sex as a pleasurable act, but only use it to attain other relational perks (i.e. feeling love, feeling beautiful, etc...)
I can't speak for generations past, but from my extensive conversation on the topic and cultural insight, I just don't believe that to be true (anymore?). Women are (almost?) just as interested in a sexual relationship as men.
Three, Bell fails to recognize that God is the Creator of sex as something creative and fun.
"Sex God" continues to portray marital sexuality as boring and vanilla. It still makes the ambiguous statement that "sex is good" and leaves it at that. I have written about this before, so I am not going into detail (one | two).
I know this is a shock, but according to research (I can't believe it took research to know this) the #1 reason people have sex is because it feels good. While there are 237 other reasons, because it feels good is the number one reason we enjoy and/or tempted to have sex. Sex God fails to acknowledge this with any sort of depth or genuineness.
Here is at least what I liked about the book. On page 105 Bell states:
If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels.
Bell acknowledges that God never intends for life to be easy. He never intended for life to be pain-free. Which brings me back to I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
My ultimate problem with "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is that it was a lesson in "avoidance theology." God can't possibly want us to have pain, therefore, we should avoid that which potentially causes pain (in this case: dating). That is a crappy way to live life and I at least respect Bell for standing up against that.
Their is one other reason this brings me back to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "I Gave Dating a Chance". I was hoping when I read this book, it was going to be so good, that I could take writing a sex book off the list of books I am going to write.4 That turned out to be false. Now I still feel the Christian arsenal is missing a good book on sexual practical theology, so it looks like I should start working on a rebuttal5.
1One of these days I will blog on why that is. No, it isn't because I am a pervert.
2He could be 5th gear in my opinion if he could keep writing like he does, but incorporating a God-honoring theology. This may not be possible
3Which, to Bell's credit, at least puts him better than most other Christian writers / media out there.
4If any Simon & Schuster or Zondervan reps out there are reading, that list so far includes 1.) "You Can Handle The Truth: A Journey of Pulling Heads Out of the Sand", 2.) "Generation-D: Surviving the Divorced Generation", and 3.) (thanks to Bell) something related to sex and theology that I haven't gotten around to titling.
5Although lets be honest, like "I Gave Dating a Chance", it won't be nearly as popular as it's predecessor
It has now been two weeks since the Virginia Tech shooting (I refuse to call it a massacre like the sensationalized press). I, like every other blogger on the web, of course was tempted to blog about this the second after this happened. But I, unlike every other blogger on the web, decided to wait two weeks. Why? Because what I am about to say was probably too emotionally charged to say the minute after it happened, but now seems a little more realistic (although still probably somewhat extreme). The Virginia Tech shooting is a non-event.
WOAH! You have got to be kidding me. You are nuts. You are so insensitive. You are ridiculous! Are those pretty much your thoughts? Well, give me a second and maybe I will make some sense. If I don't, you are welcome to think I am ridiculous.
Before I go further, I do not want to minimize the pain of those that were personally affected by this event. The families, direct friends, and students deserve our prayers and our sympathy. But the sensationalism the media, and if we are honest, ourselves, had/have turned that event into is almost just as much of a tragedy because it lacks perspective. And why do we lack perspective? Because we are self-centered and we all either are going to college, are in college, went to college, or have kids going to college.
Let's take a look at perspective for a second.
In 2000 there were 850,293 abortions in the US. That's 2,329 deaths each day, or 77x as many deaths per day as the VTech shootings. Ok, so now you think I am a crazy right-wing nut job. Well hold on.
In 2006, 2.9 million people died of AIDS, which is 7,900 per day (or 264x that of VTech). 1,041 of those 7,900 deaths per day are innocent children.
So just out of those three statistics, we see that 51,324 people die per day that are reasonably treatable and I consider a "tragic death."
Now some of you are probably on the same page with me; others still think I am a nut job. One more thing. I think the American culture proves that VTech is a non-event. Why? Because just two weeks later we have pretty much forgotten about this. It no longer graces the front pages of MSNBC.com, FoxNews.com and CNN.com. In addition to that, how many of us remember the Amish School shooting back in November. Or better yet, that there have been 36 school shootings since 1996. In a month, this will be completely a non-event.
So why is this a non-event? Because we are self-centered. We only care about what we think will happen to us or our family. This is why we don't really care about the alarming statistics of unnecessary death around the world. It is also why at first we appear to care about things like VTech more than anything else, but in the end, we retreat back to our realization that we are really quite safe, our college students are safe, and we've got life pretty good. So since our Darwinian instinct of survival is back in tact, we put these memories into our past as tragic, but essentially incurious.
I love Corona commercials. But I have to tell you, they don't make me want to drink a beer. They make me want to travel to a beach, sit in a hammock, with my smoking-hot girlfriend/wife (which I don't have), and forget about all of the worlds problems.
I should state for the record that I am not anti-drinking. I see nothing wrong with adults using alcohol in moderation as long as they don't become addicted to it, and as long as it isn't a coping mechanism to escape the realities of life. Other than that, go to down. But I digress.
I love Brad Paisley's song Alcohol. Part of the chorus includes, "You've had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me...Alcohol." This is one of the most profound statements in all of country music (I know, that's not really saying much).
It is this statement that ultimately brings me to the reason why Corona doesn't make me want to drink but to go sit on a beach. Living life to the fullest takes remembering what you have done and enjoying every second of it in complete enrapture of the moment.
I have sat on many beaches like those in the Corona commercials: Antigua, Honduras, Hawaii, Australia just to name a few. I can still feel the warmth of the setting sun over Honduras. I can still see the blue-ness of the water in Antigua. And it wasn't just nature that makes these memories fond in my heart. It was the state of my being in these memories. I wasn't stressed. I wasn't worried. I was at peace with me in the world. And no buzz or alcohol can create a beach moment better than that.
Andy's blog aims to be like a Scrubs episode, mixed with a Chuck Klosterman column, centered around the topic of faith. It is open, honest, raw, and a little embarrassing. It is a place to discuss religion, politics, ministry, pop culture, and well, just life - especially focused on the time of life we call our 20s!
Andy is the Executive Producer of The Allen Hunt Show; a progressive (in the literal sense), talk radio show based in Atlanta, GA aimed at bringing faith back into the public discussion. Andy enjoys travel, aviation, web design, politics, friends, and faith. He holds that the secret to a full life is loving God and loving people - which he fails at constantly.
Andy grew up in Fort Wayne, IN. He now lives in Alpharetta, GA.
Andy's Blog
Well I have had some serious posts recently so I figured I would lighten it up a bit.
Second bit of light-heartedness. I am going to kill Paris Hilton. Now I know that isn't particularity light-hearted nor am I the first one who has said this. But I bet I am the only with my reason.
If you knew your death was imminent - like within minutes - and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it, what do you think you would do?
I get a trade publication called 
I think Capital One just made me the President of the United States. Take that John McCain - it's my week now sucker! I would like to thank my beautiful wife I don't have for her amazing support. My wonderful children I don't have for their letting me ignore them during the campaign. Of course I have to thank the big man, the only one James Dobson listens to, 
I logged into Facebook the other day and came across an interesting news feed. Apparently, even though my Aunt & Uncle had a wedding more than 20 years ago, it wasn't official until December 26, 2007; at least according to Facebook. I hope their first year of marriage is a good one. Finally their bastard children (Julia you better be laughing) have been vindicated. I think I found this all the more ironic because of what happened to me four days earlier...
When I was a junior in high school, the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" came out and was all the rage. I read it, objectively, and grabbed some good principals, but overall "rejected" the basic premise. Sometime later that year, a rebuttal, but less popular book came out called "I Gave Dating a Chance." I liked it better, but still rejected most of the premise, because frankly it was mostly the same as "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." One called dating courtship, and the other called it, well, dating. I'll get back to this later.
It has now been two weeks since the Virginia Tech shooting (I refuse to call it a massacre like the sensationalized press). I, like every other blogger on the web, of course was tempted to blog about this the second after this happened. But I, unlike every other blogger on the web, decided to wait two weeks. Why? Because what I am about to say was probably too emotionally charged to say the minute after it happened, but now seems a little more realistic (although still probably somewhat extreme). The Virginia Tech shooting is a non-event.
I love Corona commercials. But I have to tell you, they don't make me want to drink a beer. They make me want to travel to a beach, sit in a hammock, with my smoking-hot girlfriend/wife (which I don't have), and forget about all of the worlds problems.
