Christmas is coming and I hate Christmas shopping. Truth be told, I was more excited about the 787 taking it's first flight today than I am about Christmas. Does that make me Scrooge? Ehhh...so be it.

But I have to admit I love the new Gap commercial for "comfy sweaters." Scratch that. Like Racked NY said, the phrase "I love my comfy sweaters" simultaneously fills me with joy and yet also makes me want to put a bullet in my brain.

If you haven't seen it yet, well then I am pretty sure the CIA needs to talk to you because you obviously have been living in the cave Osama Bin Laden is living in. But just in case here you go...


But then it got even better. What's better than cute girls excited over Christmas? That's right: 20-something boys imitating cute, excited girls. Enjoy!



Enjoy the holiday fun. I'll be sure to write something more thought provoking later.

I don't know why it has been so hard for me to blog recently. I have like a billion topics in the can, but I just can't seem to sit in front of the computer to do any of them. So this shall be quick.

I haven't watched the SuperBowl in its entirety for the past four years. This makes me very sad everytime I think about it, so let's not bring it up again.

I did however see the pregame show (including the botched Obama interview). I saw this ad while importing stuff for the show at WSB and I about died laughing.



Just for the record, I am going to start calling everyone I see in the Fort Wayne Country Club locker room Shankopotamus.

And that name might just replace "Scuba Steve" as the name I call people when I can't remember who they are - if you've hung out with me for more than 10 minutes, you know what I am talking about.

If I get motivated I'll do a a couple of blogs in the next couple of days on my favorite and least favorite commercials from the SuperBowl. Hulu is kind enough to put them all online for sorry saps like me who didn't get to see them live.

But then again, the question will be, will I be motivated enough this week to do so.

We've had some pretty heavy posts so I am going to lighten it up.

One thing that annoys the crap out of me when pulling clips from Comedy Central for the show is the they play an ad spot before every single video.

The most annoying? Blackberry. We ge-e-e-et it. You have a phone that is almost as cool as an iPhone. They currently have three different versions that rotate in the cue.

But one of them I think has my identical voice twin - you know like in the Friends episode where Joey finds his identical hand twin. You've probably seen it on TV a half a billion times but go ahead and take another watch:



Now listen to a version I recorded of myself (with no alterations):





See. Ok, so I know I don't hit "Life" quite right - but I think that has more to do with my poor VO ability than the voice itself.

Somewhere out there (probably New York or LA) there is a guy out there with my identical voice. Ohh how I hope one day we can meet and have conversation where we aren't really sure which one is talking.

I get a trade publication called Advertising Age sent to me on a weekly basis. I don't know why it started arriving, but I love it. It is a fantastic wealth of information.

Last week, I opened it and it answered a question I had been wondering for years: what do advertisers pay per :30 spot on a regular basis. Sure we always hear about the million dollar spots during the SuperBowl and what the last episode of Seinfeld pulled. But on average, what is a company paying for me to watch an episode of Chuck or Big Bang Theory or Bones or Dirty Sexy Money?

The answer: the average for a :30 spot in primetime TV is $124,920. But that is only half the picture. What about viewership? If you take spot rates and divide by average viewership, the advertisers spends $0.0171 per person to watch their ad spot.

But being the self-centered person that I am, I want to know about me?

Well, first of all, I learned that advertisers are willing to pay more for my attention than average - since the shows I watch averaged $186,316 (or $0.02431 per time I watch). But at a more humbling point, very few of the shows I watch are anywhere near the top 10. So I am expensive and unpopular. Done.

But what I think is even more interesting is what this says about what advertisers think our lives our worth.

Think about it. Say there are an average of 7 minutes of advertising per 30 minutes of shows. This makes 14 total :30 second units per half hour of TV. The average American lives to be 78.16 years old. If you do the math, that basically means that according to advertisers, the average American's life is valued at $327,829.

Now, my life is worth $465,980 - which makes me better than you - but still pretty humbling huh ;)

Well lucky for us, God and our love ones think we are entirely more valuable than the average advertiser.

Name of Show	:30 Cost	Sta	Day	Time	Viewership	Cost / Person
Sunday Night Football	$434,792	NBC	Sun	8:00 PM	14,207,000	$0.03
Fringe	$343,000	Fox	Tues	9:00 PM	9,906,000	$0.03
Grey's Anatomy	$326,685	ABC	Thus	9:00 PM	14,797,000	$0.02
Desperate Housewives	$318,552	ABC	Sun	9:00 PM	15,505,000	$0.02
Two and a Half Men	$276,433	CBS	Mon	9:00 PM	13,577,000	$0.02
CSI	$262,600	CBS	Thus	9:00 PM	23,485,000	$0.01
House	$260,179	Fox	Tues	8:00 PM	12,978,000	$0.02
The Simpsons	$250,000	Fox	Sun	8:00 PM	7,408,000	$0.03
Family Guy	$231,306	Fox	Sun	9:00 PM	8,384,000	$0.03
The Office	$213,164	NBC	Thus	9:00 PM	9,245,000	$0.02
Survivor	$212,800	CBS	Thus	8:00 PM	13,076,000	$0.02
Dancing With the Stars	$205,000	ABC	Mon	8:00 PM	18,592,000	$0.01
Extreme Makover: Home Edition	$200,347	ABC	Sun	8:00 PM	11,832,000	$0.02
Brothers & Sisters	$198,532	ABC	Sun	10:00 PM	10,326,000	$0.02
Heros	$198,379	NBC	Mon	9:00 PM	8,198,000	$0.02
Prison Break	$193,902	Fox	Mon	9:00 PM	5,372,000	$0.04
Dancing (Results Show)	$191,403	ABC	Tues	9:00 PM	15,065,000	$0.01
Private Practice	$182,656	ABC	Wed	9:00 PM	8,163,000	$0.02
CSI: Miami	$182,101	CBS	Mon	10:00 PM	13,884,000	$0.01
King of the Hill	$181,429	Fox	Sun	8:30 PM	6,589,000	$0.03
Worst Week	$179,727	CBS	Mon	9:30 PM	8,848,000	$0.02
American Dad	$159,533	Fox	Sun	9:30 PM	6,855,000	$0.02
Eleventh Hour	$155,400	CBS	Thus	10:00 PM	11,373,000	$0.01
Ugly Betty	$151,870	ABC	Thus	8:00 PM	8,521,000	$0.02
Law & Order: SVU	$146,679	NBC	Tues	10:00 PM	10,391,000	$0.01
How I Met Your Mother	$142,117	CBS	Mon	8:30 PM	8,977,000	$0.02
Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles	$140,879	Fox	Mon	8:00 PM	5,726,000	$0.02
Samatha Who?	$140,124	ABC	Mon	9:00 PM	2,118,000	$0.07
Eli Stone	$139,898	ABC	Tues	10:00 PM
CSI: New York	$137,648	CBS	Wed	10:00 PM	15,873,000	$0.01
Big Bang Theory	$135,357	CBS	Mon	8:00 PM	8,597,000	$0.02
Life on Mars	$133,233	ABC	Thus	10:00 PM	11,333,000	$0.01
Dirty Sexy Money	$130,164	ABC	Wed	10:00 PM	5,852,000	$0.02
My Name Is Earl	$127,978	NBC	Thus	8:00 PM	7,166,000	$0.02
Without a Trace	$127,766	CBS	Tues	10:00 PM	12,611,000	$0.01
The Amazing Race	$127,634	CBS	Sun	8:00 PM	10,999,000	$0.01
Kath & Kim	$125,683	NBC	Thus	8:30 PM	7,515,000	$0.02
NCIS	$121,718	CBS	Tues	8:00 PM	16,288,000	$0.01
Criminal Minds	$117,359	CBS	Wed	9:00 PM	16,185,000	$0.01
Saturday Night College Football	$114,649	ABC	Sat	8:00 PM	6,739,000	$0.02
Kitchen Nightmares	$114,146	Fox	Thus	9:00 PM
Bones	$114,084	Fox	Wed	8:00 PM	10,559,000	$0.01
The Biggest Loser	$113,218	NBC	Tues	8:00 PM	7,265,000	$0.02
Boston Legal	$112,610	ABC	Mon	10:00 PM	8,746,000	$0.01
Pushing Daisies	$111,125	ABC	Wed	8:00 PM	5,501,000	$0.02
ER	$110,049	NBC	Thus	10:00 PM	9,408,000	$0.01
30 Rock	$104,178	NBC	Thus	9:30 PM
America's Next Top Model	$103,714	CW	Wed	8:00 PM	3,935,000	$0.03
Knight Rider	$102,754	NBC	Wed	8:00 PM	6,856,000	$0.02
Cold Case	$101,112	CBS	Sun	9:00 PM	11,095,000	$0.01
Fooball Night in America	$100,811	NBC	Sun	7:00 PM	7,561,000	$0.01
60 Minutes	$99,000	CBS	Sun	7:00 PM	17,470,000	$0.01
My Own Worst Enemy	$98,909	NBC	Mon	10:00 PM
The Mentalist	$97,006	CBS	Tues	9:00 PM	15,603,000	$0.01
Chuck	$92,645	NBC	Mon	8:00 PM	5,832,000	$0.02
Oppurtunity Knocks	$92,427	ABC	Tues	8:00 PM	5,960,000	$0.02
Deal or No Deal	$92,115	NBC	Wed	9:00 PM
America's Funniest Home Videos	$90,044	ABC	Sun	7:00 PM	8,916,000	$0.01
Deal or No Deal	$90,034	NBC	Fri	9:00 PM	6,633,000	$0.01
Life	$86,948	NBC	Fri	10:00 PM	4,978,000	$0.02
The Unit	$84,630	CBS	Sun	10:00 PM	9,713,000	$0.01
Ghost Whisperer	$82,400	CBS	Fri	8:00 PM	4,427,000	$0.02
Supernanny	$82,200	ABC	Fri	9:00 PM	3,205,000	$0.03
'Til Death	$82,108	Fox	Wed	9:00 PM	4,610,000	$0.02
Numb3rs	$81,700	CBS	Fri	10:00 PM
Old Christine	$79,535	CBS	Wed	8:00 PM	7,526,000	$0.01
Lipstick Jungle	$78,000	NBC	Wed	10:00 PM	4,764,000	$0.02
20/20	$75,950	ABC	Fri	10:00 PM	7,017,000	$0.01
The Ex-List	$73,800	CBS	Fri	9:00 PM
Gary Unmarried	$72,019	CBS	Wed	8:30 PM	7,357,000	$0.01
Wife Swap	$70,300	ABC	Fri	8:00 PM	4,104,000	$0.02
Don't Forget the Lyrics	$68,789	Fox	Fri	9:00 PM	4,347,000	$0.02
One Tree Hill	$67,902	CW	Mon	9:00 PM	3,420,000	$0.02
Toughest Jobs	$66,442	NBC	Fri	8:00 PM	3,972,000	$0.02
Gossip Girl	$62,139	CW	Mon	8:00 PM	3,398,000	$0.02
The Moment of Truth	$61,729	Fox	Thus	8:00 PM
Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader	$59,900	Fox	Fri	8:00 PM	5,443,000	$0.01
Dateline	$59,708	NBC	Sat	8:00 PM
90210	$58,347	CW	Tues	8:00 PM	3,116,000	$0.02
Cops 2	$57,081	Fox	Sat	9:00 PM	5,528,000	$0.01
Smallville	$54,323	CW	Thus	8:00 PM	4,119,000	$0.01
48 Hours Mystery	$52,300	CBS	Sat	10:00 PM	7,319,000	$0.01
Cops 1	$50,367	Fox	Sat	8:00 PM	4,683,000	$0.01
Stylista	$48,942	CW	Wed	9:00 PM
Law & Order: SVU (repeats)	$46,884	NBC	Sat	10:00 PM
Everybody Hates Chris	$44,533	CW	Fri	8:00 PM	1,697,000	$0.03
America's Most Wanted	$41,730	Fox	Sat	10:00 PM	5,428,000	$0.01
Crimtetime Saturday	$38,000	CBS	Sat	9:00 PM	5,559,000	$0.01
Supernatural	$37,982	CW	Thus	9:00 PM	3,508,000	$0.01
Knight Rider (repeats)	$36,738	NBC	Sat	9:00 PM
Privileged	$33,305	CW	Tues	9:00 PM	1,873,000	$0.02
Crimetime Saturday	$32,600	CBS	Sat	8:00 PM
The Game	$29,583	CW	Fri	9:00 PM	1,805,000	$0.02
Easy Money	N/A	CW	Sun	9:00 PM
In Harm's Way	N/A	CW	Sun	7:00 PM
Surviving Suburbia	N/A	CW	Sun	7:30 PM
Valentine Inc	N/A	CW	Sun	8:00 PM

I think Capital One just made me the President of the United States. Take that John McCain - it's my week now sucker! I would like to thank my beautiful wife I don't have for her amazing support. My wonderful children I don't have for their letting me ignore them during the campaign. Of course I have to thank the big man, the only one James Dobson listens to, Karl Rove for all the great advice. God bless each of you, and God bless America.

Ok, that might be a bit far, but I seriously think George Washington is pissed.

Think about it. He took on the British. Forged the Patomic in freezing temperatures. Lead a new country in her infancy that in only 200 years grew to the superpower of the world. What is his reward for all this? He gets his face on every $1 bill.

It isn't just Washington though. Through out ages past, the only people that had their face on money were the rulers of the world. Queen Elizabeth. Caesar. Lincoln. And rightfully so.

But then some geniuses (*read self-indulged pricks*) in some (probably) New York marketing firm decided to take George and friend's glory from them when they realized Americans are self-centered and would love the ability to put their face on their money.

So sure enough, I saw an add during the Capital One Game with Michigan & Florida and knew I just had to go for it. After all, I am sure I am exactly the self-centered American those genius pricks were thinking of.

But I have to say I love it. Being the creative, pop-culture (*read loser*) person that I am, it is exactly how I want to pay for my Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich. I don't even sign the back. If anybody questions if it is my card, I am like...uhh look at the front dude!

But what does this say about our culture? Is this just that we are creative people and want to express that when we spend money? Or is it deeper? Does this have larger implications? Does this mean we think we are more important than our leaders? Or maybe that our money (*read economy*), is more important than true leadership.

We want CEOs that make the most money, not lead the best companies. We want Presidents that help our economy the most, not lead our country to greatness. One might argue they are one in the same thing, but when push comes to shove, which do you want? I think Capital One's marketing shows, to quote Jerry McGuire, "show me the money."

While Washington might be pissed I stole his glory, I think he would be saddened to see how his country evolved in her greed.

But I guess the only solace George Washington can take is that even though I am on MY money, I am not on YOUR money. So he still wins. But if you want to kick Washington in the balls, just go ahead and put my face on your new Capital One credit card.

I love Corona commercials. But I have to tell you, they don't make me want to drink a beer. They make me want to travel to a beach, sit in a hammock, with my smoking-hot girlfriend/wife (which I don't have), and forget about all of the worlds problems.

I should state for the record that I am not anti-drinking. I see nothing wrong with adults using alcohol in moderation as long as they don't become addicted to it, and as long as it isn't a coping mechanism to escape the realities of life. Other than that, go to down. But I digress.

I love Brad Paisley's song Alcohol. Part of the chorus includes, "You've had some of the best times, you'll never remember with me...Alcohol." This is one of the most profound statements in all of country music (I know, that's not really saying much).

It is this statement that ultimately brings me to the reason why Corona doesn't make me want to drink but to go sit on a beach. Living life to the fullest takes remembering what you have done and enjoying every second of it in complete enrapture of the moment.

I have sat on many beaches like those in the Corona commercials: Antigua, Honduras, Hawaii, Australia just to name a few. I can still feel the warmth of the setting sun over Honduras. I can still see the blue-ness of the water in Antigua. And it wasn't just nature that makes these memories fond in my heart. It was the state of my being in these memories. I wasn't stressed. I wasn't worried. I was at peace with me in the world. And no buzz or alcohol can create a beach moment better than that.