Recently I got into a fairly surprising discussion with someone on what we really wanted out of life. And I don't mean like wanting to be famous, or wealthy, or a Senator. But when all is said and done, what is it that we really wanted? Or in other words: what is it about being famous, or wealthy, or a Senator that we think will be beneficial to our life?

I even surprised myself a little with the simplicity of my answer (which I am not going to share). But I'll leave it at there are really only two things I want out of life. That's it. Two.

I have since had this conversation with a few other people to decide whether or not I am crazy. The verdict is mixed. But most agree that "knowing me" they don't believe my simplistic answer.

When I was in college, a relative of mine sent me a book to read titled Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers by Fil Anderson. There are two things I remember about this book.

1. How super offended and hurt I was that this person sent me the book. It sounds a bit overly sensitive (and looking back it probably was), but nevertheless it had some larger context to the feelings.
2. More importantly, the story of the fisherman and the businessman.

It's a bit long, but I read it 5 years ago and I still can't get it out of my head.

There was once an businessman who had finally taken some time off work to go on holiday with his family, whilst taking a walk on the beach one day he saw a fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught quite a number of big fish. The American was really impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”

The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a few hours.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and you could catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

The fisherman replied, “This is enough to feed my whole family,” he says

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?”

The fisherman replied, “Play with my kids, take afternoon naps with my wife in the hammock, go out in the village in the evening with my friends for a drink where we play the guitar and sing.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

“I am a specialist in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. And when you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own. Soon you will be able to set up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors. At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to the City, and then expand your operation to around the world, and finally you can set up your HQ to manage all your other branches.”

The fisherman asks, “So, how long would that take?”

The businessman reply, “About 15 to 20 years.

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house on an island, play with your kids, take afternoon naps with your wife in the hammock, go out in the village in the evening with your friends for a drink where you play the guitar and sing”

The point is that a lot of the time we think we are working hard towards a life that we want, only failing to realize what we really want might be right in front of us and attainable.

It's a question I ask myself almost everyday: what is it that I am working so hard for and how does that fit into what I want out of life?

What about you?

(And if you don't want to share your own, feel free to try and guess mine)

Working weekends for the past four years meant that I regrettably had to check the "will not be attending" box to the 30+ weddings I have been invited to. Even some that I planned on going to, got canceled fairly last minute because of work (which I got an earful about one in particular this weekend).

Though as my plane banked and began its descent over Memphis, I found myself staring out the window and thinking back to a conversation I had with Allen a year earlier about balance. And how because I implemented balance into my life this year, my descent "back home" felt more like coming back home than it did after my March weekender.

But in classic "Andy blog honesty," I also freely admit that while this trip pointed to one area of balance I was glad to be growing in, it also brings to light another area of balance I still am missing.

Weddings are of course incredibly joyous occasions for me, but also a bit of a reminder of my own discontent and loneliness. I freely admit that.

I don't think I am alone in this with other 20-somethings professionals that try to use the excuse that they are focusing on their career over their love life. But at 27, a full 6 years beyond when I thought I would have been at my own wedding, here's to my sincere and honest wish for Lissa and her husband to experience a full and happy marriage. And here's to me in continuing to try and figure out the balance needed to find a full and happy marriage of my own.

If you don't get the title of this blog, you need to watch the news more (and keep reading). This past weekend I continued my new years resolution and took the 8th weekender of the year and visited my friend Ashley in Louisville, KY. No offense to the other weekenders out there, but this was by far the most fun.

We ate out on the deck at a beautiful restaurant that overlooked the Ohio River on Thursday night. And even though I couldn't get a scallops entreé, and had to settle for salmon, the sunset was breathtaking and easily compensated for lack of scallops.

Friday was fantastic. Started the day by going to the Louisville Slugger museum. I found Ryne Sandberg's bat signature, saw how bats were made, even got my own bat with my own name burned into it. The end of the museum was a bit embarrassing, as they let you go into a batting cage and use a Major League Baseball players bat. Well out of 20 pitches at 40 MPH, I hit NONE! Zero! I sucked at baseball as a kid. I suck at baseball as an adult. But I still love it.

After the museum we went to the Woodford Reserve Distillery and saw how good ole Kentucky Bourbon is made in Versailles, KY (don't you dare pronounce it like the castle in France - because apparently like Georgia, people in Kentucky can't talk).

I had the first shot of my entire life. Downed mine - and half of Ashley's - like a champ. I think I would actually like bourbon if I drank (but then again, the fact that I probably would really like bourbon is why I don't drink).

After that we went to Porcini's. It had great food, and a great atmosphere. And if you haven't been watching the news, Porcini's is where Rick Pitino had sex with a woman who later blackmailed him for $3,000 for an abortion, and later tried to extort millions of dollars from him.

So while I did enjoy the Italian dish which I can't pronounce or spell, unfortunately I did not partake in the "Rick Pitino special" - but at least no one got pregnant.

But of course, doing stuff isn't what makes these trips fun. Spending time with people I get to spend way too little time with is easily more enticing to me than all the activities.

Now you may remember me blogging about Ashley back in December. In that post I said that, "Ashley has grown into an incredibly beautiful, successful, and talented engineer." But Ashley is also one of the most intelligent people I know.

And I am not talking academically intelligent (although she is that as well). I am talking life intelligent. Not just regurgitating fact intelligent, but original thought intelligent. Needless to say, conversation with her is always intriguing and insightful (and hilarious).

And that makes for a perfect weekender. Great food, great stuff to do, and phenomenal conversation that includes a lot of laughter and a lot of depth.

When I was in high school I dated a girl with the most amazing house. Although it wasn't until after purchasing my own home that I realized just how much I loved that house.

It was big, but not flashy big. It was nice, but not materialistic nice. It sat on 20-acres, just outside of the city, in a "developing neighborhood" (read: they had no neighbors).

But the best part about it - no homeowner's association (at least not that I knew of, so I am going with that there wasn't one for this illustration).

If they wanted to put in a pool, they could (and they did). If they wanted to let us drive a John Deere Gator or a Hummer around the backyard, we were allowed to (and we did). If they wanted to let us have a loud, outdoor party, they could let us (we never did that).

Fast forward 10 years. I have had some issues with my neighbors and homeowners association since moving in. I think - and could be wrong - but it stems from the fact that I am the youngest owner in the neighborhood and therefore they thought I wouldn't know any better.

But they picked the wrong 25,26,27 year old. And frankly, I got fed up with it all.

Now you might ask, why make a big deal? Simple. Because I bought the house with the idea that it was open to anyone. I installed finger print locks so people could come over with out me. People are free to stay over when they want. I want it to be place of warmth and welcome to any one.

So when something interferes with that, I get defensive. And even though I am the least private person in the world (I think I am the only person who's Facebook page is set to public and blogs about intimate details of my life), I will get defensive when someone in authority doesn't need to know something, but is assuming it is there business.

But what does this have to do with you? I find most people are pretty "afraid" of their neighborhood association. Even when I twittered the other day about it, a friend of mine replied, "uhoh. Sounds like you aren't friends with the HOA. Don't make them too mad, they have crazy power!"

But that is the problem. They don't. Assuming you are following all the rules (which I was), they do not have "crazy power," especially when if it is an invasion of privacy.

So I am including the letter* I sent as an example of how to deal with a homeowners association that has extended beyond it's power. I know many of you have purchased or are thinking of purchasing your first home. Hopefully this helps.

And here is to one day having 20-acres to myself and (hopefully) CJ and Andrea as a neighbor.

There is no other way around it that the job market sucks right now. No matter what field you are in. No matter how talented you are. It is just awful.

For me personally it started about a year ago when a good friend was laid off pretty suddenly. Since then my brother has been laid off twice, a good friend is having a really tough time finding a job after law school and had to move back in with her parents, and a family member was laid off for the second time in five years. Not to mention the countless friends I talk with who are really depressed in their jobs, but know they are stuck. And whole other group of people who actually kind of like their job, but know they are "probably next to go" if another round of layoffs are coming.

This blog typically leans to focus on the 20-something and single - which has it's advantages in this situation - but also has some serious disadvantages. I remember when my first friend got laid off, knowing she didn't really have any pressure to provide for a family, but thinking how hard it must be for her to go home to an empty house and an empty bed and face this "alone."

But I think the key in this tough economic times is to make sure no matter what, you aren't facing this alone.

What to do if you have been laid off / can't find work

1. Remember that we are in a historically poor market, and it isn't a reflection of you
2. Keep in mind how little time a year is in the grand scheme of things and don't get discouraged by what feels like no growth
3. Lean on those that love you. TRUST ME. I am as prideful as they come. The thought of moving back in with parents, or asking for help; makes me cringe just thinking about it (and I actually like my parents). But it is ok. Those of us that love you, want to help
4. Remember, you are not a failure by any means

What do do if you know some one who has been laid off / can't find work

1. Help in any way you can. I have offered financial assistance to my brother, a place to stay for a friend free of charge (including food), and financially "counseled" another friend including a detailed budget, cash flow analysis, help with health insurance, etc...
2. Reiterated over and over that this is not their fault and that you are proud of them
3. Help with networking. Let's face it. This world is who you know and there is nothing to be ashamed of getting your foot in the door because of a connection
4. Don't neglect them. I am an AWFUL person at keeping up with people on the phone. But after my brother got laid off, I was on the phone all the time. Not badgering him with have you found a job. But just to see how he was doing, what he was up to, if he needed anything, etc...
5. Adjust your lifestyle. Don't suggest let's go to a movie or the theatre or out to eat all the time. They will either feel a.) pressured to join with money they don't have or b.) feel depressed because they missed out. Instead have people over, rent movies, cook out, etc...

One last thing to think about is to offer an escape. I think this might seem strange to some, but sometimes people just need to get out of their environment (especially if depression is setting in). It doesn't have to be elaborate. If they are just going to watch TV / sit by a pool / make dinner / go bike riding, etc... they can do that with you. A cheap (read: provided) week away with a friend can be incredibly helpful. Plus, they can still send out resumes, make phone calls, etc... from your place.

As cliché as it sounds: it's tough out there. And we are all in this together. The more we lean on one another to help, the better off we are all going to be.

If you follow my Twitter / Facebook status, you know that I have been biking a lot recently. Been trying to do at least 20-miles a day for the past month. So when I came to Indiana for a week, I brought the bike with me.

When I was in Middle School I ran cross country and would often run "the block" - Aboite Center Rd. to West Hamilton Rd. to Liberty Mills Rd. to Homestead Rd. It was four miles long and hilly. So since I needed a place to bike, and the Chattahoochee River was 650 miles away, I decided to expand "the block" into the 15 mile "super block."


The hills and wind have been a bit of a killer compared to the flatness and stillness of where I ride in Georgia, but it has been been a good ride.

But one thing I wasn't really expecting was the "trip down memory lane." While peddling for an hour or so up and down the hills of Aboite township, I pass my old high school and friends houses. Places I ran in cross country and ex-girlfriends neighborhoods. Places where I was pulled over for the first times and the church where I first found out about that Jesus guy.

And amidst the Gatorade drinking, hard breathing, car dodging, and legs pumping, I find my thoughts drifting to what I miss in life. What made and makes life great.

The past couple of days when I have turned off of West Hamilton Rd onto US-24, Jason Michael Carrol's Where I Am From comes on the iPod.

I love that song.

Despite what my LA friends assume, everyone in Indiana is not a farmer, and I did not grow up on a farm. I grew up the son of an attorney. I grew up in suburbia. I grew up going to country club dinners and vacationing to the beach for 6-weeks at a time. But I did spend a lot of time in my high school years hanging out in Huntington, IN - which is quite country.

Maybe that is where I got my love of country music. I don't know. But I think country music lyrics are usually pretty true to life and Where I Am From is no different.

I said I'm from the front pew of a wooden white church
The courthouse clock it still don't work
Where a man's word means everything
Where moms and dads were high school flings
Gave their children grandmothers maiden name
Yes it may not sound like much
But its where I'm from

...

Where the quarterback dates the homecoming queen
The truck's a ford and the tractor's green
And Amazing Grace is what we sing
Well there's a county fair every fall
And your friends are there no matter when you call
Yeah It may not sound like much but it's
Where I'm from

All that to say, biking the "super block", and hanging with CJ and Andrea, and seeing Dad and Lisa definitely make me miss where I am from.

This past weekend was my 3rd weekender of the year. This time it was to Miami. I dubbed it my Law and Order Weekender because I visited a friend who works for the FBI and another friend who is graduating from University of Miami Law School.

Because the FBI friend is entertaining a job offer from... well... let's just say the Department of Defense and leave it at that; and the other friend is currently in a job hunt that includes a position at the 11th Circuit United States Courts of Appeals, there unfortunately will not be any photos or names of the people I spent time with.



The weekender was fantastic though.

• Found out I loved Cuban food (had it both nights).
• Had 7 hours to kill on Thursday so I just put Key West in the GPS and drove there and back - beautiful drive.
• Had a scheduling complication come up which in turn led me to take public transportation from FBI Miami to University of Miami - first time riding a bus in the States.
• And as always, had wonderful conversation with people in my life I get to spend too little time with.

But it was amidst the 7 hours I had alone in the car driving back and forth between Miami and Key West when I started to think about how much better of a mood I have been in the past couple of months compared to this past winter.

Baseball season is in full swing.

My to-do list at work isn't quite as over-whelming at it was.

But even more than that, I think there has been some real value in adding some balance in my life, getting out of Atlanta once a month for a weekend trip, and catching up with people in my life that I very much care for and get to spend too little time with.

I know it sounds cliché, but there's a connection shared across a table with a beer that Facebook and emails and phone calls just can't replace.


Ohh and one more thing. Even though Sunshine and Summertime by Faith Hill will go down as the official song of this past weekender, I decided to pull at an oldie but a goodie for this post. Enjoy "a Miami!"

Well I am making good on at least two of my new years resolutions with weekender #2.

I went to San Diego (technically Murrieta) for only 46 hours this past weekend. My friends Sarah and Adam just had their first baby. Since I missed their wedding back in 2007 due to work, I wanted to get out to see their first child as soon as they would let me.

Bennett Michael Elwer was of course as cute as can be (yes I know that sounds cheesy). And while 46 hours wasn't enough, I at least got to do all that I wanted to do: take a nap with the little dude on my chest, and catch up with great friends (although going to Jamba Juice four times in two days, and In 'N Out burger was also a nice plus).

As I drove away from their beautiful home down a dirt road in my rented gray Mustang, I realized something: I wasn't heading home...

• I lived in Fort Wayne for 19 years and 26 days.
• I then lived in Los Angeles for 3 years, 8 months, and 8 day.
• I have since lived in Atlanta for 3 years, 10 months, and 23 days.

I blogged a few weeks ago about how it has been a hard couple of months for various reasons. I am giving the official (read: made-up) start date of this time period January 14, 2009 - the day that marked Atlanta surpassing Los Angeles as the second longest place I've live.

I went to lunch with a previous boss and good friend the other day. We were catching up like we usually do amongst a myriad of topics. And out of the conversation I made the statement that, "I have a good job. I have good family in the area. I have bought a house. I have done all the things I am suppose to do. But Atlanta still doesn't feel like home."

I told him how I was taking these weekenders to get me out of this town and that it is friends like Adam and Sarah, and CJ and Andrea that are keeping me sane.

I don't know if it is that I have a spoiled notion and expectation of relationships because of what I had in LA and Indiana, or if I just don't fit in the South, but something just doesn't feel right and I thought for sure it would by now.

Am I alone on this? I know there are a lot of 20-somethings who read this. What has your post-graduate living experience been like? Did you stay close to home or did you move away?

Whether leaving through the corn fields of Indiana with CJ and Andrea behind, or the dirt road of Murrieta with Sarah and Adam in my rearview mirror, it always feels like I am leaving home - not heading towards it.

Despite the downer of the post, the weekender itself was great. Adam and Sarah kept saying, "we're sorry we don't really have anything planned," which was absolutely perfect.

A Turkish airliner went down yesterday. Not going to blog about it, and just leave it at my theory is windshear.

Speaking of airliners going down, I am boarding a flight today to go to Denver. Spending some time skiing and hanging out with friends and family. Doing what I love, cramming as much stuff in a "(extended)-Weekender" as possible.

• Thursday hang with Heather.
• Friday skiing at Vail with sister, brother and mom
• Friday night meeting up with Molly
• Saturday more skiing at vail with the fam
• Saturday evening hanging with Nicole
• Sunday church with everyone plus Grandma
• Sunday afternoon pick up Asher because Andrea is also in Denver and I figured I'd do my part to actually help a stay-at-home mom who never gets a day off actually have a full day off
• Monday fly home!

Going to be a blast.

But with the fact I am going on a weekender and the fact that I feel like life has been too contentious recently, I decided I am going to blog a light-hearted and hopefully funny post. And since I can't seem to blog about anything - including Bobby Knight - with out my relationship status being brought up, I figured I wouldn't fight it.

My friend Cecily always makes fun of me for giving my business card out to women when I ask them out on dates. She also makes fun of me for things that I do not say when asking girls out, but that she thinks I should because it would be hilarious and conceited and pretentious and hilarious (yeah I said it twice).

She tells me I need to add these to the back of the business cards to let all the potential ladies out there know just how awesome I am.

These include:

• Executive Producer of THE (emphasis on the) Allen Hunt Show
• Homeowner
• Humanitarian
• and my personal favorite... "I am a pretty big deal in Charlottesville"

Why Charlottesville you ask? Well because a month ago we added Charlottesville, VA as an affiliate and I told her and Justin that we did. Not really a big deal. We have added about 70 affiliates last year alone.

But for some reason Charlottesville stuck in Cecily's head so she wants me to introduce myself as "Hi I am Andy Borgmann, Executive Producer of THE Allen Hunt Show. Homeowner. Humanitarian. And you may not know this, but I am a pretty big deal in Charlottesville."

But Cecily shouldn't be the only one joining in on this fun. Why don't you.

If you know me, this is a great time to roast me. Have fun.

If you don't know me personally, I want to hear some of the best things you think I could put on the back of a business card that would be hilariously impressive to women.

(P.S. It should be stated for those who take life too seriously and have no sense of humor, I do not actually plan on doing this. You know who you are Matt!)

Many of you probably remember the post I did about six months ago on Is It Time For Online Dating? Well I got thrown under the bus again last night as Allen decided to use my poor dating record in 2008 as a discussion point.

About halfway through the show I put up a Twitter / Facebook update that said, "Allen has been making fun of my dating hardcore on tonight's show. Some one call in and defend me..." to which my wonderful friend Lissa replied, "I don't want to defend you, you serial monogamist, you. :) But, now I DO want a copy of the show. That's hilarious. Right on, Allen. :)" It's good to know you got friends who love you.

But to give Lissa what she wanted - because after all I am all about meeting the needs of the women in my life ;) - I segmented my part up. Take a listen (or the entire show):



Couple observations after re-listening to myself.

1. I blamed my job a lot, but didn't discuss the other factors as to why I don't meet a lot of 20-somethings. Purchasing a house in soccer mom central, not really liking Church small groups, etc...
2. Allen seems to think that online dating means you date online. Rather for his terminology, I think most 20-somethings do "online meeting." The idea here is that 20-somethings are dating more online in a down economy because they want the security of a relationship and online is where you find singles; not that people are dating online because it keeps you from spending money by going out. In reality, the people I know who do online dating spend way more money on dating than anybody else I know.
3. For the record - this can't be stated enough - I still don't have a womb, nor do I think at all about my non-existent biological clock. As my roommate put it when I discussed this with him today, if it is any clock it is really more of a "lifestyle clock" than it is a biological clock.

But I did mean what I said in the discussion. If you would have asked me six months ago - which Allen did - I would come down very hard on personally using online dating. After exhausting pretty much all the options I had with people I'd be willing to date, and not meeting any new people; six months later I find myself being far more tempted.

My roommate thinks I should do it (actually he almost signed me up over Christmas break with out telling me - again, great friends) and then I could blog about the whole experience. I am SURE everyone of the potential dates would love that. Although then I would be able to at least write-off the online dating fees ;)

Well no great conclusion on this one. I'll just end with this hilarious clip from How I Met Your Mother. I love this show.


If that wasn't enough the full episode can be found here.