Andy Borgmann's Blog

Right where the 605 and the 210 meet in Los Angeles, I distinctly remember the billboard when driving back from the beach in Orange County. It was a CitiBank billboard and it had the following phrase: "Your college girlfriend called and wanted to remind you that you were once poor and happy." Even at 21, the phrase resonated somewhere deep within me and I have never forgot it.

Fast forward 4 years. If you would have told me about the job I have now and the money I am making and the lifestyle I am living back in 2004, I wouldn't have believed you. It's been a whirlwind couple of years. But am I happier? Was life not better from the cheap seats?

Don't get me wrong, I am sure life is incredibly more stressful when you can't pay the bills. When you worry about foreclosures and debt and providing the basics for your family. It's just an inevitable that life gets complicated as the years go on, but does that by definition mean life gets less happy?

This weekend was a pretty fun one for me. Friday night, Justin and I saw the Braves series opener against the Reds from our seats (the cheap seats). The Braves won, with Hudson pitching a 2-hit, complete game (you never see CGs anymore). On Sunday, my Uncle invited me to the series finale against the Reds at his seats (the good seats) which were 8 rows back from home plate (the photo to the left doesn't do it justice).

But it got me thinking; do better "seats" in life, mean a better life?

What I find unique about most people I know who are "rich," is there is a distinctly different tone they use when referring to the old, "poor" days. There is a fondness there. Talking about beat up cars barely making it home. Eating PB&J for days on end. Not being able to go to movies or pay for cable and just enjoying one another. Are those days lost as we progress?

I am not sure what the answer is. I am only 25, and by American standards, I am not exactly "rich". But maybe that is a good thing. Maybe life is better in the cheap seats and I should enjoy it while I can. Maybe that is what the Bible means when it says:

Ecclesiastes 2:26
To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

I, single handedly, have figured out how to end world hunger. I wish I could say this revelation came while in deep prayer, but alas, it did not. It came when analyzing Obama's recently released taxes from 2000-2006. The answer to world poverty: everybody should run for President...

When a President releases his taxes, most of us are just curious what the leader of the free world makes. Not I. I go straight for the "Schedule A" and see how much they gave to charity. Seeing Obama's "Schedule A" intrigued me, so I went looking for as many of the presidential income tax returns as possible.

More than 20 years of Presidential Income Tax Returns + a conceited sense of superiority + Microsoft Excel = one fun afternoon for Andy Borgmann. You can view the result here.

The conclusion: George HW Bush and Bill Clinton were by far the most generous, each of them averaged giving over 30% of their income to charity. Ronald Reagan and would be President Barack Obama would be the least generous, averaging under 5%.

But before I judge Barack Obama too much, he at least made his taxes public when he didn't have to.¹ And lets be honest. Do we really think George HW Bush and Bill Clinton were that generous before their taxes were public?

In 2002, Barack Obama made $259,394. Andy Borgmann made $6,863. In 2002, Barack Obama gave $1,050. Andy Borgmann gave $822.67. In 2002, Barack Obama gave .4% of his income. Andy Borgmann gave 11.99%.

Amazingly, Barack upped his giving to $77,315 by 2005.²

Now I could take this many different ways. But I'll leave the critique of the hyprocsiy of a man who claims to want change the world for the oppressed but has such a piss poor record on giving to Allen Hunt this weekend.

My two favorite biblical narratives about giving are Matthew 6:3 and Luke 2:1-4.

Matt 6:3
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing

Luke 2:1-4
As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.

While most within the church (including Pastors and "Giving Conferences") need to re-read Matthew 6:3 a bit more, thanks to the IRS, they don't really make that possible for the Presidential Candidates.

But giving isn't about the amount. It is about the percentage. Dropping $50 bucks in the offering plate or to Salvation Army might be incredibly generous according to Jesus. But if you dropped $5000 on QVC purchases in the same week...well...you are materialistic.

Likewise, you can give $500,000 and appear more generous than just about anyone, but if you make $10 million, you are in fact less generous than millions of Americans.

We are all blessed to different degrees. God's challenge for us is to give in accordance to what has been given to us. And those who have been given much, much more is expected.³ Now if only all of us would be given the most powerful job in the world, and consequently our taxes be made public, we would collectively give enough to make a difference.

In the middle of our weekly planning video teleconference, Phil sent me an article from FoxNews about MyFreeImplants.com (warning: I didn't see any nudity "per se" - but it is definitely racey).

Here's the scenario. Women, you sign up to a MySpace-like social networking site, with pictures of yourself and descriptions highlighting your "situation." Situation here meaning that you have small/ugly/disfigured/orange boobs. Men, or "benefactors," you also sign up for the site, but you have to buy credit to do so. Once you enter the site, you then "donate" your credits to these women until they reach the amount needed to get a boob job (which appears to be $6500.00).

Now, before I proceed, I should state that I am really not a boob guy. I will go as far as saying that smaller chested woman are more attractive to me. And I don't mean that in the altruistic, good Christian boy sense (there are plenty of "other" things I am into). But to me, the law of nature comes in too much with large boobs and time + gravity ≠ good situation down the road. So, believe me, I truly don't think this world would be a better place if women were walking around with larger boobs.

As we proceeded in this planning meeting I started to think about all the reasons I am against plastic surgery. My two biggest reasons. #1 It is a huge waste of money (especially in light of all the suffering in the world). #2 It is superficial. But then I got to thinking about it. How are boob jobs any different than braces?

Ok, now I have done it haven't I? But seriously, think about it. Braces cost on average $5000. Boob jobs seem to cost $6000. And I don't care what you say, while I am sure there are a handful of cases where braces are necessary for proper function of the mouth and health, most of us had braces for aesthetic reasons. We didn't (or better yet our parents didn't) want us to be the freaky kid with ugly teeth. So if it is just as much money, and it is just as superficial, why are boob jobs (or any plastic surgery) any less morally or socially acceptable than braces?

I have to admit, I don't have an answer. There is something inside of me that thinks there should be a separation of aesthetic altering procedures, but on a philosophical ground, I can't seem to find the logic in separating the two. I guess I won't get my kids braces...or maybe I'll just get them boob jobs as well.

I drove 434.4 miles in the month of February. If I were to round, my car costs me $630.74 per month in fixed cost. If you add the $48.02 in fuel I used for the month, that brings my total operating expense to $678.76.

So, in the month of February, my car had what the airline industry calls a CASM - Cost Available Seat / Mile - of $1.45. In 2007, United Airlines had a CASM of $.11 on all it's flights. Flying a plane is approximately 13 times cheaper than my car last month.

Most of you are probably bored right now and are pulling up feelings you haven't had since 7th grade Algebra. For that I apologize.

But here is my question. Is Al Gore the only reason I am keeping my car?

The beauty of my location is that I do not live more than 1.4 miles from anything I need - except Jamba Juice which is 374 miles away. In the first map below, I have within the gray shaded box the following:

• My Office
• Super Target
• Kroger
• Chick-Fil-A
• McDonalds
• Pizza Hut
• Starbucks
• Blockbuster
• 22.3 Restaurants (I refuse to count Di Paolo as a full restaurant)

In case Miss South Carolina is having this blog read to her by Mario Lopez and is confused at this point, I have provided three map comparisons with the three most important places in the US (places I have lived) to illustrate my point:

Alpharetta Stomping Grounds


Azusa Stomping Grounds


Fort Wayne Stomping Grounds

The furthest thing from my home is my office @ 1.4 miles.

In comparison for my Fort Wayne readers out there: that is the distance from Homestead High School to the corner of West Hamilton Rd and Aboite Center Rd - I used to run that for Cross Country practice.

For my Azusa readers out there, that is the distance from West Campus to Alosta Place Apartments.

For Miss South Carolina, that is the distance from The Iraq to South Africa and such as.

For everybody else, well, come up with your own 1.4 mile comparison.

I guess my question is why am I so attached to a $7600.00 expense per year (not including fuel) when I clearly don't need one? People in New York don't seem to mind? Al Gore would be proud, wouldn't he?

But that is the problem. Al Gore has made it cool not to have a car. Like the White People of 1997 who made it cool not to have a TV, we have secretly grown to resent Al Gore and his kind because they have made the right thing to do the cool thing to do and as Americans we hate doing that which is cool. As soon as you do that which is cool, you are cliché and "that guy" - and nobody likes that guy.

I am 61% certain that fuel use increased 312% since the release of an Inconvenient Truth. It isn't that Americans have more places to go. It is that Americans don't like to be told what to do. I think it has something to do with Hitler telling the French what to do, and the American despisition of baguettes.

So it looks like I am hanging on to my car, unless God save the planet, Sean Hannity does a report on why owning a car keeps Osama from recovering from kidney stones. Only then will I be free from this bondage.

I think Capital One just made me the President of the United States. Take that John McCain - it's my week now sucker! I would like to thank my beautiful wife I don't have for her amazing support. My wonderful children I don't have for their letting me ignore them during the campaign. Of course I have to thank the big man, the only one James Dobson listens to, Karl Rove for all the great advice. God bless each of you, and God bless America.

Ok, that might be a bit far, but I seriously think George Washington is pissed.

Think about it. He took on the British. Forged the Patomic in freezing temperatures. Lead a new country in her infancy that in only 200 years grew to the superpower of the world. What is his reward for all this? He gets his face on every $1 bill.

It isn't just Washington though. Through out ages past, the only people that had their face on money were the rulers of the world. Queen Elizabeth. Caesar. Lincoln. And rightfully so.

But then some geniuses (*read self-indulged pricks*) in some (probably) New York marketing firm decided to take George and friend's glory from them when they realized Americans are self-centered and would love the ability to put their face on their money.

So sure enough, I saw an add during the Capital One Game with Michigan & Florida and knew I just had to go for it. After all, I am sure I am exactly the self-centered American those genius pricks were thinking of.

But I have to say I love it. Being the creative, pop-culture (*read loser*) person that I am, it is exactly how I want to pay for my Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich. I don't even sign the back. If anybody questions if it is my card, I am like...uhh look at the front dude!

But what does this say about our culture? Is this just that we are creative people and want to express that when we spend money? Or is it deeper? Does this have larger implications? Does this mean we think we are more important than our leaders? Or maybe that our money (*read economy*), is more important than true leadership.

We want CEOs that make the most money, not lead the best companies. We want Presidents that help our economy the most, not lead our country to greatness. One might argue they are one in the same thing, but when push comes to shove, which do you want? I think Capital One's marketing shows, to quote Jerry McGuire, "show me the money."

While Washington might be pissed I stole his glory, I think he would be saddened to see how his country evolved in her greed.

But I guess the only solace George Washington can take is that even though I am on MY money, I am not on YOUR money. So he still wins. But if you want to kick Washington in the balls, just go ahead and put my face on your new Capital One credit card.

I have to say life has been super frustrating recently. No, it hasn't been anything big, and that is what makes it all the more frustrating. It seems all the little things are going to s#@* and it is driving me nuts!

I am a big fan of using credit cards. Since March of 2001, I have charged $152,961.67. Last year alone I charged $36,945.17 (which included reimbursed business charges), and I received $500 in cash back. That is $110 more than all the cash I used last year (that's right, I only used $390 in cash the entire year).

I usually have all the confidence in the world in my credit card. I have a $22,000 credit limit, and keep on average about $3100 on their (which is always paid in full, so no interest). I have so much confidence, when I travel internationally, I usually only take $40 bucks in cash!

But for some reason, all of the sudden, stupid Chase started declining my credit card on every transaction I tried to make. I would call, they would say it is approved. Denied. I would call. Denied. It took a week of this, and finally I was fed up and I said screw it, I am switching permanently to my backup Capital One card.

Similarly, trash! I was in Indiana for 2 weeks, and then I forgot to take out the trash for 2 weeks in a row after I got back to GA. Needless to say, 4 weeks of trash building up: not fun. But it got me thinking how prehistorically helpless life gets when something as simple as trash pick up gets missed.

Then, the king of all things, my website was hacked in the most creative fashion. Apparently they used my Google Sitemap to find a security vulnerability, uploaded and modified two files on my web server, which (and here is the brilliance) made it so that when you access the site directly (like I do) everything loaded fine. But if you come to the site from Google, Live, Yahoo, Ask, or any search engine, it forwarded to a false page. It took a week before I even knew it had happened, and it took 3 hours to fix!

All this got me thinking about how we take for granted all the simple things in life that are just suppose to work. Credit cards pay for stuff. Websites load information. Trash gets picked up. Think how many hundreds (if not thousands) of things are just suppose to work in just a 24 hour time period. Think how completely dependent we are on things outside of our control. Sure I can pay my credit card bill, but I have no actual control over the transaction going through.

As someone who prides himself on his independence, I think what was good about the frustrations is that it reminded me life, by definition, is not designed to be autonomous. In the face of this natural revelation, reminds me that I am also not dependent from God. Even though I often live my life as if I do not need God, the truth is I do. In ways much simpler and deeper than having my credit card go through.

I don't usually use the blog like this - mainly because I don't think people really care about what is going on in my life - but there will be no attempts at deep theological points. There will be no culturally relevant conversation. I am simply blogging to tell you that as Thursday, November 8, 2007 Wells Fargo owns my life for the next 30-years because I successfully closed on my first house.

Take a look at the move-in pictures.

Closing was a snap. I told them I was in a hurry and it took only 10 minutes (I wasn't in that big of a hurry, I thought it was going to take 45 minutes). After closing I actually had to run to the office to do an interview with Ilyce Glink as Allen decided that one hour of this weekend's show was going to be on me buying my first home (p.s. great listen for anybody in there 20s considering doing the same - entertaining, fun, helpful, and Allen makes fun of me a lot so all you who enjoy that will get a kick out of it).

But at 4:21 pm I opened the door for the first time to my own home.

The move went real easy since I hired movers (never again will I move my 900 lb armoire). Everything was pretty much in the house by Thursday night. Movers came Friday to complete the big stuff. And by the time Molly got in from Bham around 7 pm, everything was setup ready to go. Made my first trip to Home Depot on Saturday. All and all it was a pretty good weekend.

I already had a bunch of people over Sunday to unfortunately watch the Colts lose (stupid Vinatieri) and we have many events planned now that my dad graciously bought me a grill.

Be sure to check out the photos and if you missed it, read my post on the buying process of a home.

This week, I all but finalized the next step in my pursuit of the American Dream: I successfully negotiated and came to terms on my first home. We close on November 8th.

According to every stress test I have taken, changing jobs and buying a home are about as stressful events as most people experience in their lifetime (minus getting married and having a death in the family). I decided to do both within 15 days of each other. Put another way, as my friend Jared put it in a recent e-mail, "Wow, new car, new job (sorta), new girl, new house. What's next??" Let's hope nothing is next. Or maybe best put, according to CLiving.org, I have a stress score of 313. I have to admit, I feel it. Usually I thrive under stress. This month has been a bit much.

But I did it. I finally bought my first home. I have only been seriously thinking about it for the last year. There are four huge lessons I learned from this whole process. If you have ever bought a house before, you can feel free to stop reading, but I know a lot of 20-somethings hit up this blog so I offer my two points of advice below.

#1 - Ask questions. I am a pretty proud guy. I don't like asking questions. Whether that is looking for a product at Target or when "lost" and in need of directions - I usually have enough confidence in myself that I will figure it out on my own. You cannot approach buying a home like that. I can't tell you how many times I used the phrase: "I have never done this before, so I apologize if this is a stupid question, but..."

#2 - Do your research. Even after I asked as many questions as I did, and the fact that I talked with a lot of "experts," it still doesn't mean there aren't mistakes. I found a fairly large mistake that my loan officer missed and that ultimately cost me close to $1000 bucks at closing. Now I would much rather find that out now before the shock at closing of trying to find and extra Grand. You cannot do enough research, and in my opinion get freaking good at Microsoft Excel.

#3 - Do what you are comfortable with. If you are like me, once you even hint at buying a place, everyone and their mother will come out of the woodworks and tell you what they think. While a lot of the time this is a GREAT thing, it can get tempting to do something you aren't comfortable with. This is ultimately what happened to me last year about this time. Renting isn't always as stupid of a decision as those who own homes make it out to be - especially if you aren't sure you can stay somewhere for at least three years.

#4 - Everything is negotiable. For some, this is fun. Me personally, I hate this. But it is important. Not just the purchase price, but everything is negotiable. The closing costs the seller picks up, what is left in the home, what is fixed before buying the home. Heck, even what the bank charges you in closing costs. It is all negotiable. Make sure you have options, as that is the best way to "pit" them all against each other.

Well, that's about it. Before I go, I would like to thank

• Mike Durden - a great realtor
• Brian Cueny - a great loan guy
• My father for some great advice
• Marty (Molly's mom) for coming and viewing all the prospects with me
• Mitch of WIN Home Inspection - for educating me so much on my home in only 2 hours
• Joel - for being such a great and flexible roommate.
• Probably most of all Glenn - your generous offer really saved me some money in the long run.

Anybody up for a house warming party?

Someone in my life came to me a couple of months ago and asked for advice on how to pay for his last semester of college. I began to lay out the options that he had; like I have done many times with other college-age individuals. We got to the point where we realized that he would have to take out a small loan. When I went through the different options with him on that, he elected to go with a higher interest rate option of a private lender than attempt to qualify for the federally subsidized Stafford loan because qualifying for the loan would require him to ask his parents for their income tax return. He didn't like this idea because he didn't think his parents would give him that information because they wouldn't want him to know how much they made.

Now I would like to think this is just a weird incident, but I have come to realize that people will talk about anything before they will talk about money. Seriously. Think about it. People will share intimate details of their sex life before talking about their money. People will talk about the medication they are on before they talk about money. Men will share their struggles with pornography, and woman their struggles with eating disorders; but if you bring up money…whoa that’s none of your business.

Maybe it is because I really don't look to anybody for a handout, especially those who have a lot of money. Maybe it is because I live my life pretty transparent in other areas, so I don't think money should be any different. But for whatever reason, I just don't get why money is such a big deal.

A few years ago, a mentor of mine in the ministry made a comment about the fact he makes his IRS income tax return available to anybody in his congregation who wanted to see it. He did this for accountability reasons so that people could see that he practiced what he preached when it came to giving 10% of your income. I often reflected on that conversation and I realized that while I think that is good, it is only half the story. Giving is only half the picture when it comes to money. Materialism and greed are the other half. So from that point on, I have always made my entire financial income / expense report available online for the past six years (when I started keeping track of every penny I made and spent, and yes, I know, I am anal retentive).

It has gotten me in a little trouble from time to time - usually from people who think I make too much. But yet there are people in the tech community that think I make way too little for the job and services I provide. And maybe that is why people are afraid to talk about money. Maybe we have wrapped so much of our identity and self-wroth in our income. To share about our money means to literally share our most intimate identification of our (or our families) self-worth. But I still have to ask the question, why? Why does money say anything about identity at all?

1Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I think it is a pretty freeing thing to acknowledge the truth in this verse. When we are no longer a slave to our money, we are no longer a slave to the perceptions that come with it. We find our true self-worth in our relationship with God and each other and not how many zeros are on our income tax return.

I haven't been writing very frequently this month and I apologize. It has been a hard, but GREAT month. I have been working 60-hour weeks trying to get our studio ready for our national syndication (some real exciting stuff), but I have also been spending the weekends at Hilton Head Island - which has been a blast. Last weekend I was down there with just friends, this past weekend I went down and met up with family, this upcoming weekend I am going down with Molly.

Last weekend was really a great time. On the first night we went to this amazing restaurant, that had these beautiful, huge windows that overlooked a cove on the island. I had some great shrimp and scallops, and enjoyed some good time with some family.

About 20 minutes into the dinner, a huge storm rolled through out of the blue - and when I say huge, it was huge. For someone who loves storms, it was awesome! But the first thing that came to my mind was, "crap, did I close my sunroof." This got me thinking about materialism.

I was sitting at the end of the table with my Uncle and I vocalized, "you know what is strange, I add this 'luxury' item to my life (yes, a sunroof is a luxury item to me), and look how it adds complication and becomes something that 'owns' me."

Back when I didn't have a sunroof, I never worried when it rained. I just enjoyed the thunderstorm and the company of those I was with. But now, it "ruined" the moment - because I couldn't get it out of my head.

Now obviously I don't think having a sunroof is wrong (or other luxuries) but it does make you realize that Jesus was right when he says that, "it is easier for a rich man to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to get into the kingdom of heaven." Why? Because the only thing that is suppose to "own" us is God.

We want the beach house, but then would worry about hurricanes. We want the nice car, but then would worry about it getting dented. We want the huge house, but then we got to hire people to tend to it and everything is more expensive to fix. And then we realize life is unnecessarily complicated. Now don't get me wrong, I am still going to enjoy the luxuries of life. But I think the idea is to recognize that if we aren't careful, that which we strive to own in life, eventually owns us.