Andy Borgmann's Blog

I came across an article where Russian President Dmitri Medvedev was blaming the US for the global economic crisis. My first thought was, "ok, so let me get this straight international community: when the economy is good around the world, the US is a greedy, selfish nation, but when the economy is bad, it is America's fault?" We just can't win, huh? I'll leave that at that for now. My second thought was, "being a father is a lot like being America," sometimes, you just can't win.

This drew my thoughts to a conversation we had during production planning a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about doing a show around Father's day, and it instantly turned negative. I piped in and said, "why is it when we do a show on Mother's day, it is about how great moms are. But when we do shows about dads, it's always about their short comings." Let's just do a positive show about dads for once.

It reminds me of this Jeff Foxworthy bit:

I gotta admit, I am a little guilty of that. I might not have been on Oprah (yet), but it doesn't change that I have been disrespectful in the past. This is all the more damning after reading a book by Shaunti Feldhan called For Women Only, where she details that 74% of all men would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected and inadequate. As a man, it is a sentiment that I would agree with, and a sentiment I realized that many times I have failed to show towards my dad.

I was touched by something Tim Russert said about his dad that I came across this week. Take a listen:

My dad has sacrificed a lot for me to have the life I have. But that isn't what I respect him the most for. So at the risk of getting too long, I am going to list the seven things I respect my dad for the most:

1. Work Hard, Play Hard
   Since before I can remember, and more than I can count, the words, "you work hard, you play hard" have come from the lips of my dad. And frankly, I love it. That simple motto and work ethic has transcended my life more than just about anything else. Combine that with my heavenly Father's instruction to live life to the fullest, completely explains the zeal I have for my job and the zeal I have for life in general.
2. You Will Never Be the Best
   Ok...Ok...to be fair, he never told me that exactly. But when I played Little League, my dad would always say that I would never be the best at baseball, and that nobody I know would be the best. You know what is wonderful about it (besides being right): he never told me I should stop playing. Translate that 10 to 15 years later. Just because I might not be the best at something, doesn't mean that it isn't worth doing or that I don't have value in doing it. Not worrying about being the best, frees one up to just worry about doing their best.
3. I Could Fail and He Always Had My Back
   Let's be honest, I don't ever want to have to move back in with my parents. And they probably don't want me to move back in with them. But I have always known that in the event that I needed to, I always had a place to stay and someone to feed me. Mixed with the work hard / play hard mindset, and the mindset that I don't have to be the best, this security blanket has given me the freedom to risk in all areas of my life, knowing that if I failed, it would be alright. That confidence has effected everything from me buying a home to sticking with a job in uncharted territory, and everything in between.
4. My Own Haircut
   Dad would always lament about how when he was a child his dad always chose his haircuts and how he vowed he would never tell us how to cut our hair. To his credit, we had some pretty crazy hair styles through the years, and I am sure we looked ridiculous, but he never told us we couldn't do it. It was a weird sense of independence and creativity that I think set the foundation for other areas in life. He wasn't happy about my choice in college or major, but he let me make that decision. He wasn't happy about me going and studying in Israel, but he let me make my own decision (and stayed in touch while I was there better than anybody). It wasn't that he just sat idly by and didn't interject his opinion. I had to put up a fight. I had to defend myself. And in the end, I respect him more for that. He wanted me to think about why I was doing things, make sure I understood the potential consequences of my actions, but in the end, left it up to me.
5. The Evil Janitor
   I can still remember it. We were walking into the Memorial Coliseum in Fort Wayne, IN and there he was: our elementary school janitor. He was a mean janitor. We didn't like him very much. So my brother and I started making fun of him for having a second job. I remember the words, "ohh do they not pay you enough at the school" coming out of my mouth. And my dad looked at my brother and I and said, "listen to me, you never make fun of someone for something like that. He's doing what he needs to do to provide for his family and that's respectable." Years later, after mission trips and the like, I realized how important that lesson was. That everyone has value regardless of their class in life.
6. Living in America
   I remember driving home from my first Chicago Cubs game with dad. I think I was in 1st grade (maybe 2nd grade). And we got caught up in a conversation about how fortunate we were to live in the United States of America. We have the freedoms that billions of people would die for and that thousands of people had died for. And while it wasn't said in these exact words, this fortune was something we didn't earn. We were were fortunate to have that blessing.
7. Law Firm Situation
   In the last 10 years, there is probably nothing I respect my dad more for than the situation he went through this last year with his law firm. I am not going to get into all the details. But I saw a man that put his own well-being below that of others in his office. I saw a man who could have taken the easy way out, but chose to stay and do the right thing. I saw a man who took a risk, managed a situation that wasn't his fault, but ultimately did the right thing. It's that kind of integrity that gets missed in all the lawyer jokes and stereotypes (which we all enjoy), but that makes me very proud of him. It inspires me to do the right thing in my work life, and more importantly, it inspires me to realize that sometimes life deals you a crappy hand, but it is up to us to make the best of it.

Thank you dad. I love and respect you very much. I hope you have a great Father's day.

I had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 7:45 am to take a friend to meet another friend to drive to a wedding in South Carolina. Of course, at that hour, I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to listen to the radio. So I turned to News/Talk 750 WSB and sure enough, Boortz was just starting his day.

What did he decide to open his rant about? The catcher who ducked and allowed the pitch to jack the ump in the facemask. Take a look.

Now, what you might not know is that this catcher lost his scholarship to the college he was planning on attending and his high school was fined $1,000 for the incident - which I don't particularly have a problem with. Scholarships are like the free-market: schools don't have any obligation to give them out.

But, of course, old-man Boortz¹ was going on and on about how he agreed with this and how people need to understand there are consequences for their actions. But it is precisely this reason why I think what this catcher did was brilliant.

The motivation for the incident was because they were unhappy with poor calls from the homeplate umpire. Now I was not at the game, so I do not know if this were true or not. But nevertheless, the pitcher & catcher perceived it to be the case, so they took the perceived poor actions of the ump and put some physical consequences to it: they jacked him in the face. Message received.

Now I know I am not the norm. I actually have no problem with Tony Stewart or Danica Patrick getting into a fight with a fellow auto racer who just put them into a wall. Or a bench clearing brawl when some pitcher jacked a batter in the head. Or two hockey players going at it because one hockey player told another hockey player his toothless smile was ugly. But this goes beyond sports...

We are a wussified country (yes I know I just made up a word). The same mentality that doesn't understand the importance of the Iraq War, or why the coddled generation is now in the workforce but thinks they are lazy, or that allows the seatbelt law to be in effect, is the same mentality that says "safety at all costs." We are trying to remove all consequence from actions. We want to be a white, vanilla, bland culture that's greatest virtue is safety and cordiality. We are a nations of pansies.

Not I though. I will take pride in the American history of sometimes saying, enough is enough, and because of your actions, there will now be physical consequences. Now, where's the nearest umpire...

I am so tired. I am not sure if I have ever been this tired. Today was just exhausting.

Today started around 9 am. I worked for a couple of hours to get last nights show up on the web. We then cleaned the condo. Filled, then waited a half hour, to pick up Andrea's meds. Then picked Andrea up. Then spent an hour in a McDonalds. Then spent two hours at Target. It wasn't until 3:30 that we were on the road from Hilton Head to Charleston.

It was at this point I almost freaked out. I don't mind being on the road. I don't mind change. What I hate is transition. It took us forever to get off the island, and that drives me nuts. But the journey continues...

Two hours of driving in caravan - which we all know I am lead footed and am awful at driving in caravan. I actually am convinced it takes more energy on my part and I am more dangerous driving in that situation.

All this time trying to organize a live, talk radio from an iPhone.

Then we got to Charleston. Got Andrea and CJ checked into the Ronald McDonald house. Then headed over to the hospital. Andrea and CJ went up to NICU and myself, Nancy (Andrea's mom), and Chuck (Andrea's Mom's Boyfriend) took care of Jadyn and got dinner. It is at this point I also try and figure out what lodging options I have for the evening.

CJ and Andrea came down and we ran to get Andrea dinner. We then got into a fight with the Wendy's guy through the intercom. We got back and Andrea took Nancy up to see Asher. Hour or so later they come down. It is like 9:00 pm at this point.

So why do I go into this much (too much?) detail. Because I am exhausted and I wanted you to feel the exhaustion? Sort of...

But here's the deal. At this point CJ and I go up to see Asher and seeing that tiny, 5 lb baby boy, on a bunch of machines, and stroking his hair, and rubbing his stomach, and talking to him, and telling him about teaching him to wakeboard in the future, and sharing that moment with CJ as his new little buddy was getting stronger...man...it was worth all exhaustion in a way I can't explain.

For those that want the update. The nurse said they are going to try and take him off of oxygen tonight. It's a big step, but they feel he's ready for it (only 48 hours after being born). We'll know more tomorrow - and I am really looking forward to seeing the little guy again.

I think I am a man! Yeah, I know, pretty weird statement huh? After all, shouldn't I have known I have been a man for 25 years now - or arguably at least 7 years. Sure, but...

One of my biggest concerns about buying a home was that I am like the least handy person in the history of all people. And because I wasn't the one who was lucky enough to marry a wife that was the handy-woman of the house, I have to admit, I was nervous about home ownership because of my lack of "construction" skills.

But that all changed this week and I think I can finally admit: I am a man. Why? Because I installed a new faucet in the downstairs bathroom and I installed finger print locks on my door all by myself¹.

I first saw the Price Pfister Ashfield faucet at my ex-girlfriend's lake house - and from the moment I saw it, I knew I wanted it. It has such style. Such creativity. Such, well, grace. I liked the lake house version better (it was Ventian Bronze), but I knew that wouldn't ever match anything in my bathroom, so I went with Polished Nickel. It looks awesome. It actually makes me want to wash my hands after going to the bathroom.

Also, if you know anything about me, you know that I hate having stuff on my body (No watch. No jewelry. I don't even want to wear a wedding ring it is that bad). Keys fall into this category. I hate carrying keys. So when I heard that Kwikset developed Fingerprint Locks, I knew I had to have them. Plus, I am always giving people keys to my house because I like the fact my home is a hangout for the 20-somethings of Alpharetta, GA (even when I am not there), and this makes it that much easier to do.

But this isn't about biometric security devices that show my OCD or an appreciation for artistic faucets that might imply that I am gay. This is about gender identity, and the little things in life that confirm we are the people we want to be.

I think about the time my dad moved me out to college when I was 19. It was just the two of us, and it was a really good weekend. I remember we didn't have anything to do one night in LA, so he went and found Dodger tickets. Sometime in the middle of the game we went to get hot dogs. He got a beer and asked me if I wanted one.² I politely declined (because I really am not a drinker), but in that moment I remember feeling like a man. I remember feeling like my dad approved of who I was growing up to be. I remember feeling that I could handle life on my own in Los Angeles because of that simple act.

It was such a little thing you know? Just like a faucet install. But the older I get, the more I realize how often we fail to recognize these simple life moments which are so important. Even right now, I am tearing up a bit thinking about it - which probably negates the manliness of the handiwork.

This past month I turned 25. I decided to spend it like I did most of my weekends this summer: down at the beach on Hilton Head Island. It was real low key - and if you know anything about me - that's the way I like my birthdays (isn't that right Patrick ).

I originally sat down to write this while at the condo in Hilton Head, but I got distracted by a beautiful woman who still has 3 years to turn 25, hit save, and haven't touched it since. But I am glad I didn't because it wasn't until this past weekend that I knew what my point was with it, and here it is: I was never suppose to get this old.

This past weekend, Molly's parents and I dropped Molly off at Samford University for her to start her 4th and final year of college (I'll blog about that experience later). The ride home was really quite enjoyable as Molly's parents and I had some great conversation. As we were entering the greater Atlanta area, Molly's mom started talking about how weird it was to drop Molly off this weekend, and her younger sister a couple weekends earlier (actually the weekend I turned 25), and next year they are going to be dropping off their youngest. As we passed over 285 she made the comment, "I was never suppose to get this old." And after reflecting on this further this past week, I have to say that I think she is right.

I am not going to bore you with another discussion on why time proves there is a heaven. If you missed that, you can check it out here. But what I do think after putting some thought into this is how often life tells us exactly what we need to know, yet we ignore it. It is moments like these that God uses to remind us that something is seriously wrong with what we call life. Yet do we notice?

What happened to high school? Remember longing to get your driver's license? Or showing up for the football game to meet friends? Or getting ready for Prom? And then we moved on to college and how many of us woke up the day after graduation, looked in the mirror and just said in that subdued, quasi-depressed tone, "wow, it's over." And if you are reading this and are older than say 25, I am sure you are thinking, this kid doesn't even know the half of it; and you'd be right. I can't even imagine what it is like watching my kid grow up and go to college and start a life on their own and have their own kids just to start the process all over again.

Whether turning 25 or dropping your youngest kid off at college, it is only natural to feel as if something isn't right with the equation. We were suppose to live for eternity. We were created to live outside the bounds of time. But what do we do with that feeling? Do we just get depressed and long to have the moments back? Do we take the opposite approach and start freaking out and attempt to grab every single moment we can while driving everyone else around us nuts? Or do we simply cherish the moments we are currently having because we know they too will be short, but take solace in the idea that one day it will all be corrected? I am not sure how I am going to react, but I do hope these moments always draw me closer to - not further from - my God and my loved ones.

This past weekend I went and saw the movie Knocked Up. I love the term knocked up. Ask CJ & Andrea, or my friends Abbey & Jon from college. When they were pregnant with their first child, I would always refer to them as being knocked up (they were married, don't worry) and it was hilarious. But this movie, and my stage in life, have got me thinking about abortion.

Now before I proceed, I should say that I think abortion is wrong in pretty much all cases. If it were just a personal choice issue, I would be totally for it - as I do think a woman has the right to do what she will with her body. However, it isn't just a personal choice in my mind, it is a life. There is a great scene in the movie where the "Knocked Up One" is talking to her mom and her mom is telling her to just "take care of the situation," and we all know what that means. But she decides what is inside her isn't a situation, it is a life. And at the end of the movie there is a great shot during the credits where the mom is holding the result of that "situation" (aka the baby). And ultimately, for that reason only, I support pro-life laws.

But this post isn't really about that. This post is a little more sympathetic than that. I have been thinking a lot about what I would do if I knocked someone up "accidentally." How would I react? And for the first time ever, I think a male might possibly be the closest to understanding the fear of pregnancy like a woman does. Why? Because I am a minister; now hold on.

If I got someone pregnant, it wouldn't just be a "social faux paux," but it would mean I would most likely lose my job. It means that I would have a seriously hard time finding a new job in my field, and most likely have to completely redefine who I am. Not only that, but the ministry that I work with would have a tarnished image (maybe even significantly public since we are apart of the "media" now), and there would be significant disappointment from all areas of my life. All my "great" plans I have for myself would pretty much instantly go out the window. No book deals. No career in politics. No developing a nationally syndicated talk radio show. Even if I did the "right thing" in the situation, there would be some serious consequences.

Now I am not going to argue on whether or not all the above are fair - what I am going to say is that all the above isn't that far off from what all women have to deal with in an unwanted pregnancy. And it is that fear, and unequal serious consequences, that makes abortion a little more of a "gray" issue (not more "gray" in the sense of the morality, but "gray" in the reaction).

I would hope if I got someone pregnant, I would be man enough to do the right thing - whatever that meant. But I am not 100% sure I wouldn't at least think of suggesting the alternative. It doesn't make it right, in fact, it would be wrong. But I at least get it now. I get it a lot more than I got it when I was in college that's for sure.

Whether it is a porn producer in Atlanta that I have lunch with, or a gay friend, or some women I know that have had abortions, I always, always, always try to get across that they are loved and cherished not only by God, but by me as well. Just as God was still there for David when he knocked up Bathsheba, I would want someone to be there for me - and until that day comes (lets pray not), I want to be there for others. That's a Christ-like response to an unwanted pregnancy that we should all strive for.

It has now been two weeks since the Virginia Tech shooting (I refuse to call it a massacre like the sensationalized press). I, like every other blogger on the web, of course was tempted to blog about this the second after this happened. But I, unlike every other blogger on the web, decided to wait two weeks. Why? Because what I am about to say was probably too emotionally charged to say the minute after it happened, but now seems a little more realistic (although still probably somewhat extreme). The Virginia Tech shooting is a non-event.

WOAH! You have got to be kidding me. You are nuts. You are so insensitive. You are ridiculous! Are those pretty much your thoughts? Well, give me a second and maybe I will make some sense. If I don't, you are welcome to think I am ridiculous.

Before I go further, I do not want to minimize the pain of those that were personally affected by this event. The families, direct friends, and students deserve our prayers and our sympathy. But the sensationalism the media, and if we are honest, ourselves, had/have turned that event into is almost just as much of a tragedy because it lacks perspective. And why do we lack perspective? Because we are self-centered and we all either are going to college, are in college, went to college, or have kids going to college.

Let's take a look at perspective for a second.

• In 2000 there were 850,293 abortions in the US. That's 2,329 deaths each day, or 77x as many deaths per day as the VTech shootings. Ok, so now you think I am a crazy right-wing nut job. Well hold on.
• In 2006, 2.9 million people died of AIDS, which is 7,900 per day (or 264x that of VTech). 1,041 of those 7,900 deaths per day are innocent children.
• Every year 15 million children die of hunger, or 41,095 per day - that's 1370x that of VTech.
• So just out of those three statistics, we see that 51,324 people die per day that are reasonably treatable and I consider a "tragic death."

Now some of you are probably on the same page with me; others still think I am a nut job. One more thing. I think the American culture proves that VTech is a non-event. Why? Because just two weeks later we have pretty much forgotten about this. It no longer graces the front pages of MSNBC.com, FoxNews.com and CNN.com. In addition to that, how many of us remember the Amish School shooting back in November. Or better yet, that there have been 36 school shootings since 1996. In a month, this will be completely a non-event.

So why is this a non-event? Because we are self-centered. We only care about what we think will happen to us or our family. This is why we don't really care about the alarming statistics of unnecessary death around the world. It is also why at first we appear to care about things like VTech more than anything else, but in the end, we retreat back to our realization that we are really quite safe, our college students are safe, and we've got life pretty good. So since our Darwinian instinct of survival is back in tact, we put these memories into our past as tragic, but essentially incurious.

I work at a church. This isn't a fact I tell a lot of people I meet because once you say you work at a church, people treat you different. Usually I tell everyone I am a radio producer (which is also true). Anyways, attached to my church is a full K-12 school. The other day I overheard that they invited an ex-FBI agent to come talk to everyone about the evils of MySpace.

I have to say, I respectfully disagree. And I am not arguing this on the grounds because "MySpace is cool." I truly believe MySpace is good for children's and parents. And here's why.

All things on MySpace are public to anyone. And just as they are public to the child molesters out there, they are also public to you...the parent. Where else can you not only see who your kids are friends with, but what your kids are saying to their friends, and better yet, what their friends are saying to your kids.

Also, this opens up lines of communication much easier. It is sad to say, but MySpace probably contains more information about your kid than you actually know yourself about your kid. Learn what they like, what they listen to, what they watch, and then keep that in the front of your conversations with them.

MySpace isn't just good for "monitoring" purposes. It is also for kids because it helps them meet new people. People they might be afraid to talk to in person at school, or people who don't live in the same proximity, or staying close to friends who have moved away.

The advent of Instant Messenger took place when I was in 6th grade. And I remember the same arguments people put up for Instant Messenger now being said about MySpace. And while it is true their is danger in both, active parents shouldn't fear either (anymore than anything else in parenting) if they have passed down good, common sense on how to act in society (we teach our kids to look both ways before crossing the street, but somehow, telling them not to talk to strangers on the internet is too much).

The truth of the matter, MySpace has just once again exposed how contemporary American parents always want to take the easy way out. It is far easier to say "no" than to monitor. It is far easier to disengage from your child's life than to actually look into what they are interested in. In the end, I say kudos MySpace for filling a communication need in our society better than anything out there for our kids...and parents!

All right, I will let you take a second to swallow that. I know it might seem hard, but give me the benefit of the doubt for a second.

I just spent a week with the beautiful Jadyn Elise Mills. Ohh what fun we had! Playing on the beach and eating sand. Being dunked underwater in the pool. Waking up at 6 am, only because she wanted some attention, and after she was pulled into bed with me would just fall back asleep on my chest. This week of pseudo-parenting was, believe it or not, a nice break from my single 20s that have a tendency to be very self-centered and all about "my schedule."

But all this parenting has got me thinking, I don't think Britney is that bad of a mom. (Disclaimer: I am not the typical 20-year old male that before Britney had a child thought she was somewhat of a modern day goddess. For the most part, I don't like her music. I don't like her "image." And while I will admit she is very attractive, I don't think the way she flaunted that, especially for young girls, is very good for society. But I digress.) Now, of course, Britney doesn't hold a candle to the amazing mother Andrea is! But then again, who could? Some moms are coming to her defense and saying, sure she's not perfect, but cut her some slack. They all say, just as I learned this week, the mistakes we all make in parenting aren't getting critiqued everywhere we go. No press this week covered as a momentary lapse in my concentration allowed Jadyn to slam her face into the coffee table. Sure, I am not encouraging it, but she's a baby, things like that happen. If we all had the press in our face, CPS would be after all of us.

But I want to go a step further and applaud her. And this is where I know you are going to think I am crazy. Britney has not out-sourced parenting (at least not yet). I have never seen a celebrity mother photographed with her baby as much, and in the "mundane settings of life" (i.e. the grocery store) like Britney has been. And for that I congratulate her. She certainly has the money. She certainly has the "things to do" besides raising a child. Yet for the time being, she has turned from the temptation so many of her Hollywood cohorts, and a lot of American moms, have succumb to - which is ignoring their child and letting someone else raise them. For that, Britney, I say, thank you for setting a good example (maybe the first time) for parents everywhere. Despite your inequities, you have proven to be a good mom!