Andy's Blog
We did a show the other night on the 7 lessons of the Tiger Woods affair. But Allen missed one important one: IF you are going to cheat, use a call girl instead of a mistress.
How's that for controversial?
It should be stated for the record that I vehemently appose cheating - both personally and in principle. Some have questioned me on this from time to time because I seem liberal on some of my theology pertaining to sexuality. Despite this assumption being irritating to no end, it isn't the focus of the post. However, let's make something clear: Tiger was wrong.
But this post isn't about cheating. It is about confidants. While reading an article in the New York Post, I came across Ashley Dupree (remember: Elliot Spitzer's call girl) lashing out at the
"Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex -- all the while knowing he is married. And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money from the tabloids? And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut."There you go folks: hookers jumped past grocery baggers for the number 4 spot of people I trust.
- Attorneys (attorney-client privilege)
- Doctors (doctor-patient confidentiality)
- Priests (notice I didn't say Pastors)
- Hookers
- Grocery Baggers (bagger-shopper confidentiality)
Living in a culture where attorneys are the only people we trust with our secrets does not produce healthy people that are empowered to change and better themselves. Many of the problems we face in relationships, marriages, and the like are due to the secrets we carry around.
The purpose behind the sacred trust of attorney-client privilege is that no one would tell their attorney anything if it weren't there. And just as this is necessary for a good defense, having a trusted confidant is necessary for personal and spiritual growth.
It probably seems a bit odd - given that I live so publically - but I take privacy and secrecy very important. People in my life have confessed to a myriad of past inequities - including cheating, abortions, serious drug use, and the like. Stories and circumstances that I will take to my grave. The relief you see in someone's face from the cathartic release of a burden being lifted by openly discussing past transgressions in an open, honest, and non-judgmental environment only speaks to the importance of such exchanges.
So in an odd turn of events, society could take a lesson from Ashley Dupree. When entrusted with private information, keep your mouth shut.
Well we all pay for sex one way or another. At least hookers are honest about the price.
That said, I am not sure going to "sex care providers" would work for Tiger. The advantage of a callgirl when it comes to cheating is anonymity. A mistress would know stuff about you and your life that a callgirl wouldn't. But Tiger Woods can't be anonymous because everyone knows his face. And (I am not knocking honesty of sex workers, it's just human nature) it is a rare person who would turn down a possible million dollar payday to rat out Tiger to TMZ or National Enquirer or whatever.
I am with Andy and Cecily - I do not condone cheating. Tiger Woods had this clean persona that allowed him to sell Buicks and such. In many ways Elin was his "beard". It's a problem that people at that level are supposed to maintain a certain image, which includes a traditional marriage, regardless of their own desires.
Another problem is this expectation of sexual exclusivity in relationships in our society. Even if Tiger loved Elin and wanted to get married to her he still has this polyamorous streak. If polyamory was socially acceptable, such people could seek each other (or people willing to live with it) out, just like people can chose based on religion, smoking, etc. now. Most people would still prefer a sexually exclusive marriage of course, but this would help them too as their prospective mates would be able to be more honest - there wouldn't be this pretense of "forsaking all others" when it's really, at best, a sacrifice the person might or (more likely) might not be able to keep in the long run.
To get to the core of the problem. Sexual revolution of the 60s allowed people to be more honest about their sexuality but was interrupted by reactionary forces from both right (Christian fundamentalism) and left (radical feminism). As a result, in many ways, today we as a society are more hypocritical and dishonest about sexuality than ever.