I have been thinking about respect a lot recently. And despite the title of the post, not the singer Aretha Franklin R-E-S-P-E-C-T type of respect, but rather the original intent of its writer Otis Redding R-E-S-P-E-C-T type of respect.

I have shared this here before but it is worth reiterating; in Shaunti Feldhan's For Women Only, she details that 74% of men would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected and inadequate.

When I read those words for the first time over three years ago, I said, "you can definitely count me in that 74%." Probably to an (unhealthy?) extreme.

And while all this time I have reiterated her statement as true, it wasn't until this past month where I realized not only how true it is, but how closely her statement is tied to the level of quality in a man's life - assuming I can speak for the 74%.

More on this in a second.

Another thing Shaunti discusses is how we have this idea of unconditional love, but not unconditional respect. In a relationship, somehow love is a given, but respect has to be earned.

She goes on to say that this works out great for women; but truth be told is a little unfair to men (and yes I know there are many - probably more - things that are unfair to women).

I had two people in my life that up until a few months ago I would have put in the category of people who "unconditionally respect me." And then abruptly that stopped - one at least a little deservedly so and the other was completely out of left field for still no apparent reason.

These aren't fringe or even close friends - who might respect you becuase you are funny or becuase times are going well.

These aren't people one works for or with - who might respect you because of a need you fill for them.

Heck, these aren't even always family members - who might respect you because of obligation or tradition or heritage.

These are people whom we get our strength from; people we get our identity from. These are the best of friends and the closest of family members.

I could count 7 total people in my life that are like this, now it seems that is 5.

But what has been more surprising than anything is how its effects have gone beyond their and I's relationship and effected the entire quality of life. So in addition to grieving the loss of a relationship (or maybe not a full loss, but at least a loss of what once was), there is the added consequence of it effecting confidence and joyfulness and self-esteem and all the things that make life good and worth living. All the things that, as a man, I have come to identify myself as.

While Aretha might have missed the boat a bit, Shaunti is right on the money. R-E-S-P-E-C-T matters more than even I thought.