Tuesday was opening day for Major League Baseball. The Boston Red Sox played the Oakland A's in Tokyo, Japan. I am stoked! I was so excited, today I decided to get a flex package of season tickets.

So I hoped on Atlanta Braves website and went to town on the games I wanted to attend. What is nice about my schedule is that I don't work on Friday,¹ so I bought a lot of Thursday night tickets.

Any-who...this isn't about buying tickets, it's about great customer service. I realized after purchasing the tickets, I didn't purchase parking passes. So I e-mailed them informing of the slip up and within 3 minutes they called me back with this voicemail:



Now that is customer service! And in under 15 seconds nonetheless. As Justin (who was purchasing tickets with me) put it, "if everybody provided customer service like that, nobody would be unhappy!" I think he is right.

In addition to that. I have heard it rumored from friends that I will be receiving a call from them in February offering me "great deals" for the 2009 season. What great follow-up and care for their customers.

Comcast, Apple Computer, Capital One, AT&T, Washington Mutual, Honda Carland of Roswell, and Cheetah Strip Club² take notice! You could make the world a better place if you just took a lesson from the Braves season ticket office.


And if anybody is interested, here are the games I will be attending!

Braves -v- Pirates	Thu, April 3, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Marlins	Thu, April 24, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Reds	Fri, May 2, 2008, 7:35 PM
Braves -v- Padres	Tue, May 6, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Mets	Tue, May 20, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Phillies	Fri, June 6, 2008, 7:35 PM
Braves -v- Phillies	Tue, July 1, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Cardinals	Thu, July 31, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Cubs	Tue, August 12, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Cubs	Wed, August 13, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Cubs	Thu, August 14, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Marlins	Thu, August 28, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Nationals	Thu, September 4, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Rockies	Thu, September 11, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Phillies	Tue, September 16, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Phillies	Thu, September 18, 2008, 7:10 PM
Braves -v- Mets	Fri, September 19, 2008, 7:35 PM

I, single handedly, have figured out how to end world hunger. I wish I could say this revelation came while in deep prayer, but alas, it did not. It came when analyzing Obama's recently released taxes from 2000-2006. The answer to world poverty: everybody should run for President...

When a President releases his taxes, most of us are just curious what the leader of the free world makes. Not I. I go straight for the "Schedule A" and see how much they gave to charity. Seeing Obama's "Schedule A" intrigued me, so I went looking for as many of the presidential income tax returns as possible.

More than 20 years of Presidential Income Tax Returns + a conceited sense of superiority + Microsoft Excel = one fun afternoon for Andy Borgmann. You can view the result here.

The conclusion: George HW Bush and Bill Clinton were by far the most generous, each of them averaged giving over 30% of their income to charity. Ronald Reagan and would be President Barack Obama would be the least generous, averaging under 5%.

But before I judge Barack Obama too much, he at least made his taxes public when he didn't have to.¹ And lets be honest. Do we really think George HW Bush and Bill Clinton were that generous before their taxes were public?

In 2002, Barack Obama made $259,394. Andy Borgmann made $6,863. In 2002, Barack Obama gave $1,050. Andy Borgmann gave $822.67. In 2002, Barack Obama gave .4% of his income. Andy Borgmann gave 11.99%.

Amazingly, Barack upped his giving to $77,315 by 2005.²

Now I could take this many different ways. But I'll leave the critique of the hyprocsiy of a man who claims to want change the world for the oppressed but has such a piss poor record on giving to Allen Hunt this weekend.

My two favorite biblical narratives about giving are Matthew 6:3 and Luke 2:1-4.

Matt 6:3
But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing

Luke 2:1-4
As he looked up, Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 3"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.

While most within the church (including Pastors and "Giving Conferences") need to re-read Matthew 6:3 a bit more, thanks to the IRS, they don't really make that possible for the Presidential Candidates.

But giving isn't about the amount. It is about the percentage. Dropping $50 bucks in the offering plate or to Salvation Army might be incredibly generous according to Jesus. But if you dropped $5000 on QVC purchases in the same week...well...you are materialistic.

Likewise, you can give $500,000 and appear more generous than just about anyone, but if you make $10 million, you are in fact less generous than millions of Americans.

We are all blessed to different degrees. God's challenge for us is to give in accordance to what has been given to us. And those who have been given much, much more is expected.³ Now if only all of us would be given the most powerful job in the world, and consequently our taxes be made public, we would collectively give enough to make a difference.

Ok...so I don't usually use the blog like this. But I am SO overjoyed by this revelation and finding that I just had to share. There are three things I hate eating: Fruit, Vegetables & Nickels. Sure nickels taste good. But before you know it, you have nickel poising and then you have gone blind and are being escorted around by a pretentious golden retriever who thinks he is better than you because he can see. No thank you!

Ironically, I am obsessed with Jamba Juice and I love fruit smoothies. But the problem: no Jamba Juice or any good smoothie place within 374 miles of my current place of residence. So what's a boy to do? Figure out how to make them on his own. And I did...

Violá! Andy's Cranberry Rad Apple Profusion with Strawberries. And if you'd like to make Andy's CRAP the recipe is below.

• 16 oz of Kroger Cranberry Apple Juice
• 8 oz of Kroger Apple Juice
• 1 "layer" of Private Selection Frozen Whole Strawberries¹
• 2 large scoops of Edy's Slow Churned Rich & Creamy Vanilla Yogurt Blends
• 1 handful of ice

Blend together.

Pour into cup.

Use a straw.

Enjoy!

It's A Small World is by far the worst amusement ride in the history of all amusement rides. And I am pretty sure Al Gore designed it...

On May 24, 1956, Al Gore was 8 years old. He decided to take a break from inventing the internet and called up his good buddy Walt Disney. Walt Disney took a break from hating the Jews and decided to listen to Al Gore's idea.

Al's vision: design a ride to convince the world that it is smaller than it really is. Why? Because 50 years to the day - May 24, 2006 - Al Gore knew he would release the greatest powerpoint presentation ever called The Inconvenient Truth, and in order for the premise of the "movie" to be true, humans had to believe they were bigger than they really were.

A small world is to Global Warming like time is to Evolution. For Evolution to be true, it needs a lot of time (hence the reason the world keeps getting older and older¹). For Global Warming, we have to believe humans are actually of some real consequence of size when compared to the world. But it just isn't true...

The current world population is 6.6 billion people. The most dense city in terms of population is Manilla with 41,014 people per square kilometer. What does this mean? We can fit the entire world population in the state of Washington. Or maybe better put, humans only take up .108% of all the land on the globe, or .032% of the entire globe (including bodies of water).

Ok, but you say, Andy, who would want to live in Manilla. Fair enough, lets compare it to what I call the "good life." Fort Wayne, IN has a population density of 1,071 people per square kilometer. This means you can fit the the entire world population in the states west of the Mississippi plus Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina and Florida. Or better put, 4.114% of all the land on the globe, or 1.208% of the entire globe (including bodies of water).

Don't even get me started on the math when we switch from 2-dimensions percentages (area = people per square kilometer) verses 3-dimensional percentage (volume = people per cubic kilometer).

Now the question I pose: are we really as important and influential and in control of this world as we think?

Like I have said before, it isn't that I am against "global warming" per se, I am just skeptical. And despite what Walt Disney and Al Gore came up with, we don't live in a small world, we are just small people.²

Is it me or do I feel we are settling on the Presidential Candidates? I know I am not the only one:



I have said before, I am a Christ-centered Bible believer, usually Conservative, who believes big government is the worst thing that can happen to this country. With all that said, I consider Obama my current candidate. But then Stephen¹ got me thinking about write-ins and 1996...

In 1996 there was some serious rumblings about Colin Powell running against Bill Clinton. Man that would have been nice. But alas, Powell did not want to run, so we were stuck with Clinton, Lewinsky, and Bin Laden² oh my!

My 2008 conclusion: I have decided to write-in Colin Powell as my vote for President and I think he just might actually win!³

Why do I think he could win? Because he doesn't want the job...

The way I see it, to win the Presidential Election with three candidates you need 218 electoral votes. According to my math, that is 48,427,488 popular votes.⁴

I sincerely believe that to get 48 million people to do something, it would only take the right 7 or 8 people. In this case I think those 7 are Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly, and James Dobson.⁵

I created an Excel spreadsheet (which can be downloaded here for your own use) and here are the results: write-in Powell beats Obama 255 to 236.

McCain	Obama	Powell
Florida (27)	California (55)	Texas (34)
Arizona (10)	New York (31)	Ohio (20)
Nevada (5)	Illinois (21)	Georgia (15)
New Mexico (5)	Pennsylvania (21)	North Carolina (15)
	Michigan (17)	Virginia (13)
	New Jersey (15)	Indiana (11)
	Massachusetts (12)	Missouri (11)
	Maryland (10)	Tennessee (11)
	Colorado (9)	Washington (11)
	Connecticut (7)	Minnesota (10)
	Oregon (7)	Wisconsin (10)
	Mississippi (6)	Alabama (9)
	Hawaii (4)	Louisiana (9)
	Maine (4)	Kentucky (8)
	New Hampshire (4)	South Carolina (8)
	Rhode Island (4)	Iowa (7)
	Delaware (3)	Oklahoma (7)
	Vermont (3)	Arkansas (6)
	Washington DC (3)	Kansas (6)
		Nebraska (5)
		Utah (5)
		West Virginia (5)
		Idaho (4)
		Alaska (3)
		Montana (3)
		North Dakota (3)
		South Dakota (3)
		Wyoming (3)
47 EC Votes for McCain	236 EC Votes for Obama	255 EC Votes for Powell

So why would Powell make a better President than Obama and McCain?

He has a stellar international reputation. We are in a desperate need to fix our international image. It effects our economy, our safety, and the well-being of all human life. Our international image is a pro-life issue.

He argued against the Iraq War. Before it was cool to be against the Iraq War, Powell was against it. He argued against it with Rumsfeld and Bush in the room. And this isn't because he is a pussy like Sheehan and the Democrats. It's because he knew it wasn't the right thing to do, and it wouldn't make us any safer.

He argued for the Iraq War. Powell realizes it isn't about him. He was loyal to his "boss" - even when they disagreed. Since we are all the boss of the President, I appreciate someone who is loyal to his constituents and his country.

His nickname is the Reluctant Warrior. This is what I want in my President in this day and age. I don't want a Bush or McCain who is looking for a fight. But I also don't want a pussy like Obama or Clinton who won't stand up when we need it. Powell was a General in the US Army. He knows when he needs to fight. And he knows when he doesn't.

Bi-Partisian Reputation. We need it. Americans care less and less about political parties. We need candidates who agree.

Conservative Spending. I don't know why I think this, but Powell strikes me as a guy who can control spending. He might not back the FairTax, but he seems like he wouldn't spend like Bush and Clinton.

He's one of the smartest men in politics. Usually intelligence and politics is an oxymoron. Not with Powell.

He's relatable. If intelligence and politics are oxymorons; relatability and intelligence are definitely an oxymoron. Powell's got both. He is Kerry and Bush mixed in one.

So how do we do this?

Simple. The 7 people above put their full support behind him. They encourage the people they influence (which has got to be above 48 million) to write him in as President and that doing so isn't throwing away their vote.

We then setup a website (say Powell08.com) and ask people to register their commitment to vote for Powell. By November, there will be enough commitments that people will realize they aren't throwing away their vote by writing-in Powell and we will have the first unofficial, three candidate race.

So what if he doesn't take the job?

Fine. It is his choice. But at least we will send a message to all politicians that we are not happy (which we aren't). I am not sure constitutionally speaking how it would be settled, but I'll let the courts figure that one out.

But think what happens if he does take it. He will have no special interests because nobody donated to his campaign. He won't worry about reelection because he didn't want it in the first place. He will be free to do what he does best: get things done in a fair and intelligent manner.

So the balls in your court 7. Are you going to be like Colbert above and throw in the towel and just reluctantly vote for McCain? Or are you going man up and do something revolutionary. They say talk radio has no influence anymore, prove them wrong in a way they can't dispute.

Justin thinks I have horrible taste in movies. This is mostly true. It isn't that I don't like good movies, it is that I like all movies.¹ I have seen exactly 643 movies in my life.² Out of those, I have disliked only 3.³ By definition this means that I like bad movies, vis-a-vis Justin is correct.

But if I had to list my three favorite movies they would be the following: In Good Company (I relate), The Bourne Trilogy (I am pretty sure I would sleep with Jason Bourne if he asked me to), and Hannibal. And don't even say Silence of the Lambs is better than Hannibal. To casually mention Dane Cook, if you even say Silence of the Lambs is better than Hannibal, I will stab you in the jaw.

Reasons Hannibal is better than Silence of the Lambs:

• Julianne Moore is way more attractive and less annoying than Jodi Foster
• Much of it takes place in Italy
• Plot focuses on Hannibal. Who gives a crap about Buffalo Bill
• Someone (tastefully?) eats their own brain

I could go on, but I won't.

One of the most essential scenes in Hannibal is where Lecter wonders if Agent Starling's parents are both "deep rollers." Take a look.



I don't know why, but as I laid awake past 3 am for the second night in a row mulling over the complexities of the universe, and even though I haven't seen this movie in over three years, this scene came to my mind while in the darkness.

It's probably because, like Starling, I too wonder whether or not my parents were both deep rollers.

This is no fault to them. It really has nothing to do with them. But I think the fundamental question Lecter was asking of Starling, and I am asking of myself, is valid. Is balance possible for us? Or is the passion, intensity, and drive hardwired to erase balance? Because with out balance - with out at least some "shallow" - I imagine one eventually hits the ground and that can't be pretty.

My mind drifts to a show we did a while ago about new research that says our happiness "range" is genetic. We can do little things to effect our happiness, but it is mostly predetermined. I am not sure I buy that, but I think Lecter would.

This got me thinking how fulfillment and balance are related? It seems the people I know that are the fullest are ones who have balance. Balance in love. Balance of power. Balance with family. Balance towards work.

I know many "deep rollers" whose parents were obviously a shallow/deep mix. These are truly great people. These are people to lookup to. They have a drive and passion for life that is respectable, but the balance in family and love and downtime that is missing in a deep/deep mix. Hopefully I can be like these people more as time goes on, or else I fear the next thing in store is a giant splat!

In the middle of our weekly planning video teleconference, Phil sent me an article from FoxNews about MyFreeImplants.com (warning: I didn't see any nudity "per se" - but it is definitely racey).

Here's the scenario. Women, you sign up to a MySpace-like social networking site, with pictures of yourself and descriptions highlighting your "situation." Situation here meaning that you have small/ugly/disfigured/orange boobs. Men, or "benefactors," you also sign up for the site, but you have to buy credit to do so. Once you enter the site, you then "donate" your credits to these women until they reach the amount needed to get a boob job (which appears to be $6500.00).

Now, before I proceed, I should state that I am really not a boob guy. I will go as far as saying that smaller chested woman are more attractive to me. And I don't mean that in the altruistic, good Christian boy sense (there are plenty of "other" things I am into). But to me, the law of nature comes in too much with large boobs and time + gravity ≠ good situation down the road. So, believe me, I truly don't think this world would be a better place if women were walking around with larger boobs.

As we proceeded in this planning meeting I started to think about all the reasons I am against plastic surgery. My two biggest reasons. #1 It is a huge waste of money (especially in light of all the suffering in the world). #2 It is superficial. But then I got to thinking about it. How are boob jobs any different than braces?

Ok, now I have done it haven't I? But seriously, think about it. Braces cost on average $5000. Boob jobs seem to cost $6000. And I don't care what you say, while I am sure there are a handful of cases where braces are necessary for proper function of the mouth and health, most of us had braces for aesthetic reasons. We didn't (or better yet our parents didn't) want us to be the freaky kid with ugly teeth. So if it is just as much money, and it is just as superficial, why are boob jobs (or any plastic surgery) any less morally or socially acceptable than braces?

I have to admit, I don't have an answer. There is something inside of me that thinks there should be a separation of aesthetic altering procedures, but on a philosophical ground, I can't seem to find the logic in separating the two. I guess I won't get my kids braces...or maybe I'll just get them boob jobs as well.

Are you sitting down? Of course you are...who uses a computer standing up? Good, you are sitting down! I say this only because I want you prepared for the craziest train of thought in the history of thinking.

I was listening to a news report the other day about how February 29th was the lightest day for gynecologists because nobody wanted to have a baby and have to deal with a kid having a birthday once every four years. Just mentioning gynecologists always draws my mind to an ex-girlfriend's father (he was an gynecologist, don't get any weird ideas). That particular ex-girlfriends got me thinking about law school. Law school got me thinking about my friend Lissa. Lissa got me thinking about 3rd year law school students - or "3L" as they attempt to fool us non-law people - in particular and what it would be like if I had gone to law school. Being back in school, with the slight reminder daylight savings time changes this weekend which means it is spring time got me thinking about what I missed most about being in school. The exciting conclusion to Andy's crazy train of thought is...drum roll please...spring break!

Ohh how I miss spring break. I was in school for 17 years. In those 17 years I never once failed to take a vacation. I never once spent it in Fort Wayne. It was always a time to get out into the world with people I loved and forget about school (even though you always had stuff due right afterwards).

I am going to take a moment and reminisce about some of the great trips. There was Antigua with the family. Hawaii with Hillary. Mexicali with APU. Siesta Key with Laura. Denver with Emily.

The closest I ever came to not taking a spring break was senior year of college. Nothing was planned except to stay on campus at APU and shoot down to the OC for beach days. As it turned out, APU went to the NAIA Championship game and I convinced APU to pay for me to go to get video footage. So my roommate Taylor and I hopped in a car and drove from LA to Kansas City overnight and just barerly made it for tip off (Lucky for Erin, the cheerleaders got to take a plane).

The best spring break by far was when CJ and I went to Hilton Head senior year of high school. We went completely on our own and spent three days there - it was cold. When we exhausted everything to do when it was cold, we went to the library, MapQuest-ed directions to Sannibel Island in Florida (9 hours away) and drove to see Andrea. That trip was not only great because we were 18 and on our own being adventurous and stupid, but it still allows me to take take credit for their marriage.

The irony of course was that in the early years of spring breaks, we usually would vacation to Atlanta. But it isn't about the location. It is about the variety. The adventure. The build-up. The friends. The relationships. What would this world be like if we continued spring break into adulthood? We all would decided in January to go somewhere, and for two months get pumped about the times shared.

For that, I am envious of my 3L friends who get one last chance before hitting the real world. Enjoy your last spring break my friends - vacation will never be the same again.

I drove 434.4 miles in the month of February. If I were to round, my car costs me $630.74 per month in fixed cost. If you add the $48.02 in fuel I used for the month, that brings my total operating expense to $678.76.

So, in the month of February, my car had what the airline industry calls a CASM - Cost Available Seat / Mile - of $1.45. In 2007, United Airlines had a CASM of $.11 on all it's flights. Flying a plane is approximately 13 times cheaper than my car last month.

Most of you are probably bored right now and are pulling up feelings you haven't had since 7th grade Algebra. For that I apologize.

But here is my question. Is Al Gore the only reason I am keeping my car?

The beauty of my location is that I do not live more than 1.4 miles from anything I need - except Jamba Juice which is 374 miles away. In the first map below, I have within the gray shaded box the following:

• My Office
• Super Target
• Kroger
• Chick-Fil-A
• McDonalds
• Pizza Hut
• Starbucks
• Blockbuster
• 22.3 Restaurants (I refuse to count Di Paolo as a full restaurant)

In case Miss South Carolina is having this blog read to her by Mario Lopez and is confused at this point, I have provided three map comparisons with the three most important places in the US (places I have lived) to illustrate my point:

The furthest thing from my home is my office @ 1.4 miles.

In comparison for my Fort Wayne readers out there: that is the distance from Homestead High School to the corner of West Hamilton Rd and Aboite Center Rd - I used to run that for Cross Country practice.

For my Azusa readers out there, that is the distance from West Campus to Alosta Place Apartments.

For Miss South Carolina, that is the distance from The Iraq to South Africa and such as.

For everybody else, well, come up with your own 1.4 mile comparison.

I guess my question is why am I so attached to a $7600.00 expense per year (not including fuel) when I clearly don't need one? People in New York don't seem to mind? Al Gore would be proud, wouldn't he?

But that is the problem. Al Gore has made it cool not to have a car. Like the White People of 1997 who made it cool not to have a TV, we have secretly grown to resent Al Gore and his kind because they have made the right thing to do the cool thing to do and as Americans we hate doing that which is cool. As soon as you do that which is cool, you are cliché and "that guy" - and nobody likes that guy.

I am 61% certain that fuel use increased 312% since the release of an Inconvenient Truth. It isn't that Americans have more places to go. It is that Americans don't like to be told what to do. I think it has something to do with Hitler telling the French what to do, and the American despisition of baguettes.

So it looks like I am hanging on to my car, unless God save the planet, Sean Hannity does a report on why owning a car keeps Osama from recovering from kidney stones. Only then will I be free from this bondage.