Andy Borgmann's Blog

You are given two options:

Option #1: You get married. Have a great family. Love your kids. Love your wife. For the most part, your life is full and complete. You are content. But here is the catch: there is little or no passion in your life. It's boring.

Option #2: You have an incredibly passionate life. You are successful with your work, you pursue your interests, and you have wonderful friends. Life is rarely dull, but you never get married.

Which do you choose...

Welcome to part 2 of my series on Marry Him! an article written by Lori Gottlieb in the magazine The Atlantic.

Here's the unfortunate thing about the above scenario. Most of us don't get to pick, it just sort of happens. But if you could pick, which would you? I think Gottlieb would pick option #1 and here's why...

Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.

This is about the most disappointing thing I think I read in the article. As Allen said to me, "you're never going to get married now are you?"

But I want my cake and eat it to. I want option #1 and #2. And (for now) I won't settle for less. So I continue to search. But will anybody I find out there be any better than anybody else I have previously dated?

...while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she’ll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the [boring] orthodontist, 10 years earlier?

Here's the catch. I think we do think she will be happier with Ross because we project our own theoretical happiness on their relationship. But in reality, if this were the real world, she wouldn't be.

So what is the point to dating and searching for "the one?" I find that all of my past relationships have failed because of one of four reasons (which I will explain more later this week). Is there a point in looking for someone who meets all four? Will it make me any happier than someone with three?

I don't know the answer to it. And even though she probably deserves it, I won't give Gottlieb the point on this one. I just can't. I am 25 and I am going to hold onto the idea that marriage is more than a boring nonprofit. I at least hold onto hope that it is a sexy, exciting nonprofit, and I am going to keep looking for someone to give my tax deductible "donations" to.