After I finished the show with Allen on Sunday, I went home, packed, and hit the road at 10:30 pm for Indiana. I made it to 4:15 am - which put me just inside Indiana - before I got tired and pulled over to sleep for a couple of hours in a rest stop. What I love about being on the open road is it gets me to slow down and think about myself and my life. I had one hampering thought this whole trip: am I a workaholic? And not in the sense of like "ohh my gosh, I am such a workaholic," but seriously: am I unhealthily addicted to work the way an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol.

Let's check some of the signs:

• I sleep with my phone within arms reach and ringer on in case I am needed
• The very first thing I do in the morning is check my e-mail
• When I find myself in a conflict, my "comfort food" is going to the office
• I work when friends are over and we are all sitting on the couch
• I worked on Christmas
• (I am sure there are others...but I am drawing a blank)

Part of what has brought this on is I've had a new phenomena in the past two months that I have never experienced before. It takes two hands to count the number of people I know who have been mad/upset with me, because they think I am mad/upset with them, because I haven't been present or attentive. Now lets be honest: there are usually plenty of legitimate reasons to be angry with me. But this was a new one. Of course, I try and explain that this is because of the amount of work I have been doing and how stressed I have been, etc...etc... But this brings us back to the issue: how do we define an unhealthy addiction to work.

Especially within the faith community, I think we need to define addiction. While I was in college, and taking my human sexuality class, we had a discussion on what makes an addiction. For example, pastors seem to label someone who has sex with a boyfriend/girlfriend a sex addict and in need of counseling - even if it is in a monogamous dating relationship. While this may not be moral, it is important to understand this is not an addiction. I can't remember all the litmus elements, and I seemingly have lost my notes on the topic, but I remember that amongst other things, in order for an addiction to be an addiction it has to be something you cannot stop and it is adversely effecting areas outside the addiction (relationships / work / responsibilities / etc).

This is the rub. For example, eating is not usually an addiction because even though you "cannot stop" eating, most eating patterns aren't affecting external areas. But that is where my internal process seemed to hit a road block. Work is a necessity of life. And yes, there are people who "work to live" and people who "live to work." I am in the latter. I would work even if I didn't have to. But how far is too far?

I often "joke" that I am pretty sure I am going to die by 30. The Japanese have a term for this, it is called Karōshi. But it isn't Karōshi I am afraid of. It is the words of professor I had at APU when we went out to lunch at a dinner in Glendora, CA. He looked at me and said, "Andy, the challenge you are going to face in life is having meaningful relationships that aren't connected to your work." That is far worse than dying at 30.

The irony during all of this, as I am driving up I-69 about 45 minutes from home on Christmas Eve, is I get an e-mail on the iPhone. Apparently there is something wrong with the podcast. So I momentarily stop processing my thoughts to troubleshoot an issue in the middle of farmland Indiana using my iPhone. All this to say, I am not sure where I land. I guess I'll keep driving through life, hoping to find a peace.