Andy Borgmann's Blog

Ok, so I have had a lot of serious blogs the past couple of days and I have decided to write more of a light hearted post today. The other night, after finishing another 12-hour day, I came home to my apartment and popped in a nice Stouffer's dinner. As the microwave is counting down and I begin to anticipate a nice piece of lasagna in my mouth, it is now when I realize the church should hate Stouffer's.

Why you ask? Simple. In contemporary American society the church is the institution always talking about "Family Values." Thanks to Dobson, all that American Christians seem to be able to ask is, "is this good for family values." Now, I am not going to debate in this post if this is a valid question (which it is not), but I am just going to assume we will all go along with the validity of this question so I can make my point.

I think Stouffer's is the reason I can tolerate being single. Their was a point a couple of months ago where I got so unbelievably sick of fast food and eating out (which since the age of 14 I have done a lot). I think a lot of bachelor's come to this conclusion. And I think in ages past, it is as this point when they say, "hey, I should probably find myself a wife." However, along comes Stouffer's and meets the need, causing me to delay my impulses to find a wife. If I could adopt children from Stouffer's, and Stouffer’s could somehow meet my sexual need, then I am pretty sure I would never need to find a wife at all. Thus, Stouffer's is the "domesticated version" of sleeping with a girlfriend, hence the reason the church should hate it. :-)

P.S. If you want a real reason to hate Stouffer's, it is the fact they are owned by the evil Nestle corporation who use to put additives in their baby formula in South Africa so babies would become addicted to it instead of their mother's breast milk. Now their is a true reason the church should hate Stouffer's but that doesn’t go over as easy as a “family values” plea (you knew I couldn't stay light-hearted for two long).