Andy Borgmann's Blog

Most of you know I am out in Los Angeles, and on Saturday I was in a good friend of mine's wedding. The wedding was one of the most beautiful I have ever seen and I will try to post photos later. But this trip seems to tell me one thing (besides that being around multiple newly wed couples makes me as as all-get out, but that is another post for another day ): I am quite successful for being 24 years old, but I am lonely.

It was really weird at first. I ran into people I hadn't seen in two years, who I barely even knew in college, and before I could even get done saying, "hey it is great to see you," they would chime in with something along the lines of: "man I have heard you are doing some amazing stuff in Atlanta." The first couple of times this happened, it caught me really off guard (*thinking* I barely remember your name, how the heck do you know the details of my life). After about five or six times of this happening, I got used to it and accepted the fact that somebody out here seems to be talking about what I am doing.

But, just like Newton's third law, the joy I find in being successful at what I do, has the equal and opposite reaction of realizing that I feel alone. Now this isn't a smack in the face by any means. Heck, I admitted this when I was profiled in a magazine article for Azusa Pacific University (see the final question. Side note though, that article misquotes me multiple times). But it still created quite the dichotomy of emotion that I find myself wrestling with a lot on this trip and in life.

I find most of my 20-something friends fit (what I am now calling) Newton's Third Law of Life. Most of the ones who are successful beyond the average (to the point of borderline envy), struggle with their success because their drive to be successful is exactly what keeps them from happy relationships. And those that are in extremely happy and fulfilling relationships (again to the point of borderline envy), struggle with questions related to careers and purpose (this isn't to say they don't like their job per se, or they are not good at what they do, but it just means they fit more in the "average" job category at best, and at worst: really struggle with the issue of purpose/direction/drive/etc in their life).

The only 20-something I know that breaks this modified version of Newton's Third Law is my best friend in the world CJ. CJ is probably the only 20-something that I will admit is more successful than I am (notice I said "admit," that doesn't mean that there aren't others, it just means I am a conceited ), but he also has an amazing marriage, with the most amazing woman I know for (*I think*) 5 years now, and they have a beautiful 21-month old daughter that is the light of my life (so I can't even imagine how much love and joy CJ gets from her).

But CJ is an anomaly and I think shows why the 30s are easier than the 20s. I know many more people that break Newton's Third Law of Life in their 30s. The happily married couple in their 20s, find their purpose and career and balance their life. Most that are in great jobs and positions in their 20s, find that special someone, and by their 30s "settle down" a bit. But this realization still doesn't make going through your 20s any easier.

As I have gotten older, I think more than the white house and the picket fence, this is what I believe the American Dream to be. It is getting to a place that says I am so well balanced in work and in love that I feel secure, purpose-filled, cherished, desired, taken care of, responsible for others and complete that there can't be an equal and opposite reaction because my place is just perfectly balanced in the middle. That, my friends, is what I am longing and praying for.